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Should I tell a mom her child is lacking manners in an area?

I do full time daycare for a 3 y.o. boy. I normally have him for breakfast and lunch which consists of cold cereal and sandwiches with fruit slices. Anyways, shifts got switched and I now have him f.t. evenings. He had his first dinner here and his manners were so disgusting and barbaric that I had to leave the table and throw up my dinner. I have never seen a child lacking in table manners. He doesn't know how to use a fork, he doesn't know how to use a napkin. Is it wrong to say something tactful to the parents concerning this, or should I just enforce and teach in my home? Seriously, another meal like this, and I don't know what to do. I have a 3 y.o., a 4 y.o., a 6 y.o., and a 9 mo old all of which know how to eat a meal without showing me what their masticating.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Jan. 29, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • All of you ladies have just justified my feelings on daycare! Telling the childcare provider to TEACH this child how to properly eat and proper table manners and to not even bring it up to the pretty much telling this woman to raise up someone elses child....this is why I dislike daycare so much, its putting the responsibility on someone else to raise another persons child because they are so busy working all week long they cant even take the time to teach their child how to properly eat and have manners.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • No I do't think you should h is still fairly young and may be delayed with his fine motor skills which is what proper eating is, what you can do is work with him on it as well.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:53 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • Just teach the child how to eat properly whie at your house.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:54 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • It;s not your business. how would you react if someone told you how to raise your child. Think of it this way, any child no matter how good they are someone, somewhere would find a problem with their behavior if they spent any extensive time with them

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • I wouldn't say anything either. When I was a preschool teacher at the local University, we were not permitted to complain to parents at all about their child's bad behavior, UNLESS it was extreme or dangerous. (eg. biting)

    From a parent's perspective (I was a very young single mom), I was and AM so grateful that I didn't have to hear about it. (My child is now almost 20 years old now) Besides, as a teacher/caretaker - it is one's job to deal with the behavior the child has at school/daycare. It's none of her business what the parents teach or don't teach at home......they may have "bigger fish to fry" at home and the bad table manners are the least of their worries.

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 6:58 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • I agree with what louise2 said. And they are probably aware of his manners becasue they are the ones who taught him (or didn't) they probably have horrible manners too so I'm not sure they would care.

    Answer by newmomma14 at 6:59 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • Truealaskanmom... I never would have thought about that.

    Since you are his day care.... do you think it is a lack of parenting that has caused this or a lack of motor skills?

    If it is a motor skill issue... Maybe you can work with him during the day to help. If they do not improve at a "normal" rate, I think it behooves you to tell the parents your concerns.

    If it is a lack of parenting... nothing you can do but teach him that in YOUR home that is not proper behavior. You said you had him for breakfast and lunch on a daily basis. That meant that his parents had him for dinner... perhaps they were tired after a long day at work and gave him what was easy... instead of working with him on the proper way to eat. Best to teach him your self.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:59 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • I would discuss it with the mother, and begin teaching the child table manners while he's at my house. I would also enforce those table manners at any and all meals he is present for (breakfast, lunch, dinner).

    As for the remark that the child is very young, BULLCRAP. All 3 of my children had good table manners at age 2. My two year old uses a fork, spoon and napkin and has been since he was at least 18 months old.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • Teach and guide him on how to eat properly at the table. It really sounds like you need to get out of childcare though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:01 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • Seriously you had to leave the table to throw up because of the table manners of a 3 year old? That's kind of an extreme reaction from someone who is supposed to be a professional don't you think?

    I would definitely teach him how to use his fork and napkin. Your children leading by example should help, most children want to be like their older peers. If he can't grasp that and your delicate stomach can't handle his presence at your table, perhaps feeding him a sandwich so he doesn't feel embarrassed would be better. He shouldn't be made to feel bad about himself because nobody has bothered to teach him proper table manners. It isn't his fault.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 PM on Jan. 29, 2010