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How can I get my 4 1/2 yr old daughter to LISTEN?!?!?

I've tried time out, spanking, naps, in room with baby gate, and removing all toys from bedroom. I've moved on to loosing tv time or movie time, but she just doesn't seem to care. She "waits me out" so to say.

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Asked by AngelaKeeling at 7:01 PM on Jan. 29, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (7)
  • CONSISTENCY...... I know what you are feeling. My daughter was EXTREME and nothing worked! The gentlest words/positive reinforcement to the most EXTREME punishment didn't work....However, I had difficulty being consistent....and I was too easily discouraged and would give up.....

    The strongest motivator for bad behavior is when one gets "in trouble" only some of the time.....

    When you go to the store and your kid cries for a candy bar and you don't give in, GREAT...and then you go for the next 12 times NO CANDY bar, also GREAT...but if on that 13th time - you give in to the candy bar....then all of the hard work of those 12 times goes out the window......ESPECIALLY it is bad for children like yours and mine....the "harder than normal ones"....

    Just be very matter-of-fact, with no emotion so you don't go crazy angry with frustration!! (This was another mistake I made with my daughter...went crazy angry all the time!!)

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 7:20 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • Consistancy. Ya...I think I can do that. It's frustrating when she asks the same question "can I watch another show?" and I say "No. That's all your tv time. Now its time to get to clean up and sit down for dinner" Five min goes by and she's asking again! After three or four times of repeating myself (nothing I'm saying changes, btw) I just start ignoring her! I mean, I have nothing left or different to say. I can't be any clearer and I don't think we're making any progress. I can hang in there for once in a while or when she has a hair up her patootie, but its all the time for every little thing! But, I gotta focus on the long term pay off of being consistant. Its that simple but very hard! LOL! Thanks!

    Answer by AngelaKeeling at 8:05 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • So my 4yr old is not the only one. I am so frustrated tonight alone. I came from work and my husband says she has been with him all day and not acted up. When I get home she looses her mind. She will not sit down, she will not listen. I tell her to do one thing and she does the exact opposite. My good ness when do they stop???

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • That sounds familiar. My husband says she knows she can't get away with it with him. He doesn't "talk" and give all the choices I do. I think it has a lot to do with his tone, too. I'm a woman, so my voice isn't deep, but I know I come across as serious. I think....LOL! Right now I just told her for the third time to "sit down. we dont walk around or leave the table until we're done eating." She tells "you already told me that." So, I tell her "yes, do you know why I said it twice? BECAUSE YOU NEVER LISTEN THE FIRST TIME." Now, she says she's done, but I can bet any amount of money she will say "i'm hungry five seconds after being in bed! ~ I know this is yet another "phase" she'll out grown.....I just hope I can hold out till then!

    Answer by AngelaKeeling at 9:42 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • I am doing a color calendar with my 4 1/2 yr old. At the end of the day, if she has acted properly than she gets a green mark, decent day a yellow mark and bad day a red mark. With the green day she gets a coupon (created and printed) for 30 minutes extra tv time, computer time, etc. A yellow mark gives her 15 minutes of extra tv time and computer time. The red mark gets her nothing. 5 green marks in a 7 day period gets her a special movie night, camp out, etc. You also have to be consistent. The child will never learn true consequences of their actions if you bend the rules. Also, try asking why the child doesn't listen to you. You may be surprised by the answer.

    Answer by fergie0220 at 10:16 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • IDK but thought i'd chime in to let you know your not alone. My recently turned 5 yr old is the same way.........

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 PM on Jan. 29, 2010

  • I'm going to make that and try it...I think it would help her to see it. Thanks for that!

    And it really does help to know my frustrations are many moms frustrations.

    Answer by AngelaKeeling at 2:17 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

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