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How do you stop a 4 yo from whinning??

I have a 4 year old that is constantly whinning. i know that I must have reinforced this behavior but i am not sure how. i try to not give in when he whines and make him ask in a "bog boy" voice. Part of the issue is a one year old baby brother. He is also mean to him by pushing and hitting. I was raised with a sister and baby sat girls...not sure what boiys are supposed to act like and how they get along. HELP!!

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Asked by sdaisy12000 at 1:32 PM on Jan. 30, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (10)
  • You seriously can't. Unless you feed them chocolate and that only speeds them up a bit. My daughter is 17 and there is still no hope.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 1:33 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • There isn't any difference in how boys are "supposed" to act versus girls. They are "supposed" to act however they are raised to act. Each child is an individual though and does have their own personality that they play. It could be that your son isn't finding that he's being heard or understood, so he uses whinning to get you to listen. Tell him "Use your words, please. I cannot help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." By asking him like he's an adult will help him react outside of the whinning. Then when he tells you what's wrong ask him "Can you help me figure out a solution?" Having him participate in finding a solution may help him learn to figure it out on his own. Then it'll be less whinning, because he'll know how to handle the situation. First with your help.

    When it comes to hitting you need to be the parent and stop that behaviour. Time outs are the best. Be consistant and follow through.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:41 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • With my daughter, I tell her that I am sorry she is whining, but I simply cannot understand her. She will not get what she wants at that point. If it continues, I tell her that it is totally fine if she whines/cries, but that it just needs to be done in her room, because it hurts my ears. The trick is to be consistant. I WILL place her in her room every time she chooses not to stop, immediately after I tell her that it needs to be done in her room. She still whines a lot, but she stops fast, or sometimes she does choose to go in her room until she stops. I think sometimes they need a break from us.

    Answer by squish at 1:46 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Jazz- what you are saying sounds so easy, but until you've been there I wouldn't be giving advice yet.
    OP- I've experienced the same thing. I think part of the increase in whining comes from the age and part from having a yound sibling. ONe of the biggest challenges is to make sure you don't give in just because you are sick and tired of hearing them whine. Tell them how they need to ask for something if they want something ie: "May I please..." And as for hitting, he probably partly does because he's jealous of the attention the 1 yr old gets. Try to have Mommy/son dates with him regularly. When he does hit or push, pick a punishment ie: take something away for the rest of the day, time out, sent to the room. Something that means something to him
    Good luck, there are always new challenges with every phase of life. You are a good MOMMY :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Whining is an indication that a child is used to getting his own way. When he is mean to his brother, he should be spanked and told that his behavior is unacceptable. You can then transfer that lesson to other areas of behavior, including the whining.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:02 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • I can usually ignore and tune out any whinning, but hey, I know thats not raising a well mannared child. After a SHORT time I try the "I cant understand you, you need to talk with words." and that normally does it when she's just tryin' to be cute. But, when she's whinning & jumping or whinning & stomping....that's time to nip it in the bud. I hate it, but if it comes to it, I will physically put her in her room w/baby gate. I don't know if its or what, but its what I'm trying. LOL!
    A lot of what she does I know is a result of what I let slide before. However, we can always learn & change purs ways, huh?

    Answer by AngelaKeeling at 2:35 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Whining is an indication that a child is used to getting his own way.

    Sorry, but this is just absolutely not true. Whining is completely unacceptable in our home and we DO NOT cater to it or respond to it. But do our kids whine? Yes, of course. They're kids.

    What I usually do is ask, "Do you think you're going to get what you want that way?" and they have heard that long enough to know that it means whining is not going to do the trick. If they are just whining to tell me a story (or whatever), I tell them they need to stop talking until they are ready to speak without a whiney voice. This has been going on for so long that it's usually not more than a few seconds for them to start in an acceptable non-whiney voice.

    But the real answer start when they are young. 1, 2 years of age.


    Answer by fluud7 at 3:36 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • haven't figured it out yet...and if someone does. please let me know how! lol

    my girls do whine - I ignore them, or say "I'm sorry I don't understand what you are trying to say" and have them repeat until its a nice tone of voice without any whine.

    Answer by hypermamaz at 4:42 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • IGNORE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I simply don't respond in any way. I may say, "Use your words" otherwise they get NO response. My son very rarely whined since he was abour 18 months and he is now 13. He knows to not even try it.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:54 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I was going to say what 'SQUISH' just said. thats a great idea. good luck.:)

    Answer by incarnita at 8:49 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

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