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Do you feel like a bitch sometimes too or is it just me??

We adopted our son 6 months ago from foster care (he was 14 months at the time) and since then I find myself constantly irritated and annoyed with other adults, and family members (usually people who don't have kids). Our son has done really well considering the life he had before we got him and we have made great strides with him in the last 6 months, he is happy and doing well. Anyway, I feel like I'm constanly explaining myself to people why he is different and why we do certain things differently because of his past. And then there's the people that say how well behaved he is and then criticize us for doing time outs. I just want to scream, how the hell do you think he got so well behaved!!! How do I deal with people like this? , and I am starting to feel like a bitch because I am constantly telling people to back off. I pick and chose my battles but I am getting to the point where I don't want to be around people anymore!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on Jan. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • I totally with you about people being annoying. You don't own anyone an explonation about anything, people will always find something to complain about, what I learned to do is when someone has something to do I just smile and nod, and when they more to say I simply tell them "I'm his/her mother and this is how I do things" and go on with my day.
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 2:13 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • that's normal hunny.. its motherly instinct. You just gotta find a way to ignore the criticism and take in the good. It's hard, but it gets easier as your child gets older. Good luck!
    kristal2146

    Answer by kristal2146 at 2:13 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Don't choose your battle. Choose to not battle. You don't owe any explanations to any one if your child is not physically or emotionally hurting someone else, if that happens and it does with all kids then remove your child from the activity or place by leaving.

    You've made great strides in a big difficult situation. Your son sounds like he is really being cared for a and loved. Don't discuss your techiniques discuss when someone else is hurt, discuss only that it's a wrong and apologize and leave with child. Additional discipline can still occur if necessary (toys lost or no tv no dessert etc. for really really mean things done). Its human nature for kids sometimes to not want to apologize at the time of a bad thing done.

    Adults many times do not apologize actually. If he won't apologize still remove him and maybe bring back when calm IF he apologizes and is nice, explain before return.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 2:17 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • lol. It's called having a child. Whether you adopted pr gave birth you have the same problem. Everyone else knows best and you are just the idiot mother. ::sigh:: It's a pain in the rear, I know.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 2:20 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Ignore them!!!!!!!!!!
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 2:27 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • It's not going to go away, and it's definitely not worth the stress! Try to take deep breaths and not let it get to you. Find some inspiration quotes or proverbs or something and memorize them and repeat them when you feel like letting someone have it. It's not worth it.
    luvmycutebaby

    Answer by luvmycutebaby at 3:12 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Just ignore it. People are going to have an opinion on EVERYTHING, they're going to nit pick, gossip, bash etc Just let it roll right off your back. If you don't, you will drive yourself absolutely batty.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 3:30 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • I think ignoring people is difficult to do --obviously, you want to be with at least a few of these people for some reason, which means at some level their opinions matter to you....

    There are 2 different ways of hearing questions: curiosity and criticism.

    If you think they're being critical when they ask a question, you'll feel criticized a lot. Maybe sometimes that's intended, but a lot of the time it may not be.

    If you think they're being curious, you won't feel frustrated when you're explaining things, because you'll sense the compliment in the question: they think you know something they want to know, and hope you'll share it with them...

    For critics, it's more fun to ask them questions than to try to defend yourself --the ruder their questions are, the ruder your questions back can be. But a fave of mine is 'why do you care what I do or how I do it?' Or, you can just nod and smile and change the subject...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:49 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • its parenthood.

    you just got dumped into it later than a birth mom would - I had the whole 9 months of pregnancy to get used to the idea, and then actually having the baby. but you have one that you've (rescued from the sounds of it) brought into your family - which I give you kudos for.

    he's yours and will always be yours - how you parent is how YOU parent. Just smile and nod, take their little bits of 'wisdom' and use what you want and toss what you don't but you go enjoy that little boy who is now your joy.
    hypermamaz

    Answer by hypermamaz at 4:32 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • sounds like my inlaws. mil watches ds (4 yrs old) when dh and both work once a week. has done it since he was a baby. but he is terrible for her. she wont stand up to him and gets mad when i punish him in front of her. but he knows better. he also knows she will allow him to get away with murder. thankfully the behavior goes away as soon as we leave and he doesnt get his way the first time... so there may be people you cannot get rid of in your life that make your job as a parent harder. it sucks but most people have something like that happen to them at some point. you just have to care more about being a good mother then you care what they think of you. what is popular is not always right / what is right is not allways popular. (so do the right thing, no matter what they think or say. ) you will be happier for it in the end. and accept what you cannot control.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 5:55 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

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