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Mom wants me to hold her baby all the time?

Hello all! I am a mommy to a 21 month old that is very independent. He is fine going to other people's houses and only cries for a few minutes when I leave. When we're at home he'll bring me toys to play with but he is also very good playing on his own. I babysit a lot of my friend's kids and usually they are fine with me doing the same things that I do with my son with their kids. Well, I just started watching my friend's 4 month old girl...and my friend is very high strung. She always has the baby in a sling and expects me to do the same! I just can't do it! I have 2 other kids here most of the time! My friend lets her baby fall asleep on her breast and the baby is getting so thats the only way she will fall asleep-so how will I get her to take a nap? I want to help my friend (I never charge anyone when I sit) but she's making this damn near impossible. What should I tell her? All I want to do is put the baby down sometimes!

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Jan. 30, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (8)
  • How does she know that you are putting her down anyways? If you are doing this as a favor, there is not much that she can ask of you besides the general care of her child.

    This peeves me...if someone is going to be SOOOOOO worried about every tiny thing you do to and for the baby....then they should stay at home and take care of the baby themselves...then they can do it however they want too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • realistically no daycare provider is going to hold her baby the entire time they have her. They will hold her alot and give her the care and comfort a 4 month old needs but no daycare provider does everything they way mom and dad would do it.

    I think your friend needs a reality check. I loved having my babies in the sling but I would not expect a sitter to do it.


    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 2:29 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • You want to help her be you, or to be herself?

    If she wants 'like-mom' care, she's going the right way: hiring sitters who are mothers, and who share her values. She's not quite there, yet, because if she's convinced of the benefits of baby-wearing (there are many, you could look it up, if you want to know more) she needs to find a sitter who is, too.

    I would expect a sitter to care for my baby appropriately, as in: exactly how I do when I am there. Not 'just any random adult' but 'the same care my baby's used to.' I don't think you need feel compelled to wear her baby as she does, but it does make sense that she's looking for someone who will. She just hasn't found one, yet.

    Having 2 other kids to care for is the best argument I can think of for wearing a baby: it keeps your hands free nearly 100% of the time, while the baby's content and the getting physical contact and sense of safety she needs to thrive.

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:39 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • If you can't do as asked let the mother know so she can find someone more appropriate to take care of her child as she specifies. If you take the child on and do not do as the mother asks and she finds out (and she will find out) I can guarantee you will lose her as a friend as well as lose your good standing as a sitter.  It is one thing to discuss your situation with the mom and another to ignore her wishes and lie to her about following her specifications.  Good Luck!


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Either agree to watch her baby under her terms and do it happily. The other choice is to let her know what you are able/willing to do and then let her decide if she wants to leave baby with you under those conditions.
    I always held/wore my babies a lot and nursed them to sleep. They never had trouble going to sleep being held by their babysitter with a bottle when I worked part time. As long as my babies were not left to cry, that is all that really mattered to me and I'd bet it is the same with her. You might try saying, "I can't wear her in the sling/hold her all the time that you can, but I will pick her up as much as she needs to and won't leave her to cry."

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 4:59 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • i think u should find another baby who's parent does the exact same thing as her and make her watch that baby so she can see what a pain in the ass it is to watch kids like that. its fine to hold your baby but she is setting that child up to be insecure and very needy-and then she'll NEVER be able to find a sitter. and ive never heard a pediatrician recommend nursing a child to sleep! i was always told you should nurse them to the point of drowsiness and then put them down while they're still awake-otherwise it'll be hard to get them to go to sleep without the breast OR the bottle.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • It's not that hard to wear a baby in a sling and still get stuff done. I do it all the time. I did it with my now 4 year old (with two others to care for) and I do it with my 6 month old.
    If the baby is used to nursing to sleep right now, a sling is a good transition for you to use. Later, you can get her to sleep on her own. Also, babies are able to adjust. She can nurse to sleep with mommy and fall asleep a different way for you.

    Also, I wore my 4 year old when she was little. I wore her all the time. She is very independent now. Not at all insecure. Giving your baby what they need and not forcing independence is the best way to give them a great start. A four month old CAN'T be independent. She's FOUR months old!

    Answer by mama3ks97 at 6:48 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • "If you can't do as asked let the mother know so she can find someone more appropriate to take care of her child as she specifies."
    I agree w/ this. If you can't do it, that's fine just let your friend know so she can find someone who can!

    Answer by sarahmae3 at 8:48 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

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