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If you stay in an unhappy marriage because of your religious beliefs how do you do it?

How do you not lose yourself? How do you not get depressed? How do you stay happy, joyful? Who do you talk to if everyone around you is saying you should leave? How do you not let the marriage drag you down? How do you keep the faith?

I am a Christian who believes in what the Bible says about divorce, that God hates it (Malachi 2:16) and that the only true biblical reason for divorce is adultery (Matt 5:32, 19:9) and that we should not seek divorce (Mark 10:9, 1 Cor 7:11-13, 7:27).

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Jan. 30, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (21)
  • I believe divorce is wrong and I'm so against it. So, I'm staying married. I'm also staying married for my daughter. I don't want to have to ever be away from her and divide up my time with her father. But, yeah I am so unhappy and so depressed. Like right now he is at his friends drinking and playing video games instead of being here with his family. I stay strong for my daughter. Right now I just hold my tears back and fake a smile and I'm holding her as I'm typing this. I just keep praying to God to change his heart and make our marriage better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • I read a book by a Christian author one time that said divorce is acceptable when you are unequally yoked or with someone WE chose and GOD didn't choose for us. The author said that when we divorce then we are able to let God bless us with the person HE chose for us. So you don't have to stay in a marriage just bc you said some vows. I was in an abusive relationship and stayed bc I didn't want to give in. I wanted to stay and be a better wife...blah blah blah. By the time I got out of the ER the second time from abuse my grandmother (spiritual matriarch of the family) came to me and said "That is enough. God doesn't want you being abused. You can leave." I did and never looked back or regretted it. God has blessed me since I left so it's not like God turned his back on me. I made a mistake by marrying the wrong man. I married a man I chose and God didn't.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:40 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • I did it. I talked to people who were not judgmental,but understanding and supportive. I prayed (still do) for God to renew my
    Everyday. I had/have the encouragement and prayers of several key people and it has gotten
    Much better. You can pm me if you need an "ear".

    Answer by Lexylex at 3:41 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Renew my *heart*

    Answer by Lexylex at 3:43 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • I don't think that God would want us to be unhappy- I think the lives that God gave us are a gift and that we should not spend that gift with someone who doesn't make us happy.
    I was one of those kids whose parents stayed together for us- when I told my mom that I didn't want to live in a house with a bad marriage, she just said I was too young to understand. I think hte whole "doing it for the kids " thing is a cop out.
    I think you answered your own quesiton- staying in a bad situation means loosing yourself, depression, and it drags you down. If everyone is saying you should leave, what does that tell you?
    If he's hurting you somehow, then he's most likely hurting your kids.
    don't hide behind god- I don't think god would want unhappiness for you.
    Why don't you get counseling either way? it couldn't hurt and it would help you make a decision either way-
    best of luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • That is so sad being in an unhappy marriage. Alhamduallah that I don't have that problem, I feel for any woman who feels she doesn't/can't have the right to a divorce because divorce IMO is an inalienable right every woman has and can't be taken or denied from her it is her right. :( Allah swt gave us marriage as a mercy and blessing not a prision.

    Answer by NCMommy2be at 3:52 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • If he is abusive or otherwise putting an addiction before you or not caring for you because he is too selfish, I see that as adultery as well, and the bible says adultery is grounds for divorce. You shouldn't stay in a marriage if the husband doesn't care. If you are just "unhappy" for some reason, you need to seek counseling. If your hubby refuses, I don't see how that isn't emotional abuse in itself for not trying to HELP you and him have a good strong marriage.
    You can't just "stay in it for the kids" because they learn by example and can easily become just like him.
    But if YOU are making excuses for being unhappy (not enough money, he isn't funny enough, doesn't want sex often enough or too often, etc etc, YOU need to get the help. If you feel divorce is the right option in you heart, God will forgive you. We are only human, after all. If it affects your relationship with god negatively, you need to get out.

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 4:22 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • I am not a Christian (now), but then 20+ yrs ago I guess from my upbringing in the Lutheran faith you would have considered me as such... I was in a marriage of pure abuse of both mental and physical... infact my ex would place our oldest dd on the table or counter to have her watch her daddy beat on mommy for NOT obeying HIM... for NOT having HIS dinner on time (tho he didn't know how to work outside of the home).. He would tell her that "God" made "Men" to be in charge and "Women" were worthless and needed to be beat all the time...
    Needless to say I got the "balls" to divorce him... take my dd's and NOT look back... I have NO faith in a religion that (tho ea person interpets diffferntly) teaches so much hate... (again this is from personal experience)

    Answer by gmasboy at 4:31 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • gmasboy: im not sure any christian religion really teaches hate if taught directly from the bible as should be done. im sorry you had that negative experience.. husbands and wives are supposed to respect and honor each other... no violence what so ever.

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 4:36 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • I also think it helps to realize that just because your marriage is not happy now, it doesn't mean that it will never be happy again. Many churches offer retreats or classes to help troubled marriages. And if your husband won't go to counciling, then you should go yourself to know how to make the best of the situation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

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