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How can i get my lazy husband off his ass?

Hi ladies i'm at my wits end and really don't want to have a broken home over this, but nothing i do seems to get him motivated.
he's been unemployed for two yrs in march we are currently on welfare.besides financially our relationship is a daily struggle.he is home and we barely ever see him. he sits days upon days in HIS room in front of the computer, I don't want to get rid of the internet because i work at home online and need it for my online schooling. but it's become a sickness! i ask him to help with simple chores trash and the the bird cage nothing else. and i do it on my own i have toddler twin boys and i do it all. we go places we have freinds we are always out and about, i trully deserve a greatmom award ( i think). O.K. seriously what can i do? I have catered to him(coffee and breakfast every morning, in bed) i have screamed, i cry and i ask nicely and eventually he may do it but it takes days & its so fustrating

 
mirit.rose

Asked by mirit.rose at 5:48 PM on Jan. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • are you married to my husband? the only thing is he does get unemployment and has been laid off 18mos. I come home to my daughter still in her jammies too. Some days he is even napping with her!!! Assholes!
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 11:47 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Threaten him with divorce!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • been together 9 yrs we are not legally married, feels like it though. no i threatened walking out and i'm about there but good golly i just want him to want better to strive for his family do do things with us just in general i guess he was a happier person, but he's not and we have kids and it's fairly important that the kids enjoy both parents.... yadda yadda
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 5:58 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Move out
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • Ask him what you can do to get his help. I mean it. Sometimes it's as simple as that. Tell him you are at wit's end and that your relationship is suffering and you want him to fix it. Give him that goal. Stop catering to him. That is enabling. Don't scream. Don't cry. Just ignore him if he upsets you bc you getting upset only upsets the little ones. I will say that I was doing it all and asked my x to take out the garbage. He didn't and I had to drag it out in the snow when the garbage truck was coming. That was the last straw for me. I told him to make up his mind, to be part of the family and help me or get the heck out. Notice, I called him an x so be careful of his reply if you give him an ultimatum. Just tell him to fix things.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:29 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • I've seen this question before and have to ask if he has gone to the doctor recently. He sounds like a classic case of depression. He may need help to get out into the world and he is afraid to say anything to you because he doesn't want to look weak. Depression is a biological illness and he can be helped. He may need medication. He definitely needs counseling and some hope. What is he doing on the computer? He's probably using it to pass the time so he doesn't have to look at what's hurting him. Get him to a doctor and if he won't go, you might have to call it a lost cause. I'm sorry. He might even shape up when he's out on his own without you taking care of things so he doesn't have to do the work. He will always be your kids' dad, you know that. You can do this with respect for him as a person.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • anon 9:55 I have asked a question like this before!!! my husband has gone to dr and got put on meds since then he has been alittle better.
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 11:48 PM on Jan. 30, 2010

  • OMG I could have written that question myself. My husband is a lazy sob too! He is addicted to his videogames. He was unemployed for one year and had not motivation to do anything (weird!! I have twins too) But, I talked to his parents, to the pastor, to his friends about this problem. I do not know who got into his head cause he started to look for a job. Now, he works but as soon as he gets home he goes directly to the dam computer and just played there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • thanks gals!
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 12:47 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

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