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what to do when u and hubby want different things...

I have 4 boys (whom I love very much) but I have always wanted a girl... my husband has 2 kids from his earlier marriage (a boy and a girl) and now he is saying he doesn't want anymore. I really want to try again in a couple of years to see if we could maybe have a girl (even though its not 100% positive it will be a girl i still want the option of trying) but he says hes not having anymore- he says that he wants to raise the ones we have and then live his life and that he doesn't want to be raising kids his whole life- but i feel that if we stick to what he wants, later on i might hold it against him that he never gave me a girl. i feel like he doesnt understand my feelings because he already has a girl, i want to be able to do the whole tea party dressup, pajama party girly makeovers and what not, but he is killing my dream and i am really upset but there is no reasoning with this man. any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:07 AM on Jan. 31, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • i think it is important for you to think of it as having another baby... not having a girl. do you want another baby? do you want another boy? bc if you are only wanting tea parties and dress-up then i dont think you should have a another baby. what, are you going to want a sixth child if you were to have a boy again? maybe your husband wants to enjoy life with you. but you both should keep your options open. give it time... and think it over.. in a year if you still want to try for a BABY, then bring it up again. he might come around. if not, think of it this way.... you must have been meant to be surrounded by handsome men! good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • i think it is important for you to think of it as having another baby... not having a girl. do you want another baby? do you want another boy? bc if you are only wanting tea parties and dress-up then i dont think you should have a another baby. what, are you going to want a sixth child if you were to have a boy again? maybe your husband wants to enjoy life with you. but you both should keep your options open. give it time... and think it over.. in a year if you still want to try for a BABY, then bring it up again. he might come around. if not, think of it this way.... you must have been meant to be surrounded by handsome men! good luck

    i agree with this answer.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I agree with PP. But, like she said, give him some time. In a couple years approach the topic again. His mind might change. Dont pester him during that time though, because that will make his answer stay firm. Or, ask him if in a few years you can discuss it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • i dont mind another boy at all- like i said i love my boys, but i feel that if i dont at least try (whether it ends up being a boy or girl) ill never feel like our family is complete. i want at least one more baby whether its a boy or girl (even though i would rather a girl :) ) i just feel like my hubby is blocking that from happening but i will ask in a few years, that is when i wanted to try again (my youngest is only 6 mos, so i wanted to wait til hes 2 or 3 to start trying again
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • DH and I were in a similar situation. He has said that he is done and I would love a 4th. I would love for my DD to have a sister. DH is still done. Now that our baby is 5, he is kind of open to it, but not the old fashioned way. He would be up for looking into adoption. give it a little time. You might find your compromise.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:24 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • Have you told him what you just told us? He may not understand how important it is to you. Also there is ways of making the odds of a girl better when you do try. If he loves you he will listen and consider your feelings and have an open talk with you about it.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 12:35 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • Sorry, I'm on hubby's side. 6 kids is way too much. Maybe this is just a phase with you wanting a girl? If this is really important, you still have to think about your husband if you want to stay with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • 6 kids is way too much

    Six is too much for you? Or are you trying to tell other people how many kids they should have?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • yes i have told him how i feel and he told me he doesn't want to adopt (i would be open to that) and his oldest is 19, and his daughter is 15 and neither of them live with us- i am younger than him so i kind of have to take that into consideration but i feel that if we can afford it in a few years then y not- i am not the type to just have kids and run or have them and leave them with a sitter every weekend to go out- i take care of all of my kids and i would love to have more but all im asking him for is one more try but i dont know- i just dont want this to effect our relationship in either way no matter which we decide- i dont want to hold it against him if we dont have another baby but at the same time i dont want him to feel forced into it- i know his mother has something to do with it too because shes always making comments about us having alot of kids and she thinks he should have stopped after his 2 kids
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • Maybe you guys need to go to therapy then his mother is toxic to your relationship and he may not be thinking on his own therapy can get him to see your points and you his. You are already resenting him so you need to fix it in some manner I think therapy would help you both a lot.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 2:53 AM on Jan. 31, 2010

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