Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Military wives/girlfriends who were there for enlistment and basic, possibly deployment:

My boyfriend is getting ready to enlist on Monday for the Army, and he's asked me to move with him after basics whenever he gets stationed. I told him I would. We were childhood sweethearts, and his family moved to another state, but even though they moved back a couple years later, we never found each other until just a short while ago. We spent 15 years away from each other and we don't want to be apart again or lose each other. But he had decided before we found each other that he was going to enlist, and I told him I wouldn't tell him no, because that is something that he wants. And I am willing to follow my heart and move with him.

I guess my question is how do you cope through all of the time that you have to spend apart? How did you do it? Of course, he won't be stationed until basic training is over, so I will have to spend that time here. How did you get through it without being depressed? What about deploying?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Jan. 31, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • will have to visit him in the dorms. The time apart gets a little easier the more you go through it. It's never "EASY" but it gets better. These days they have so many ways of communicating that you can keep in touch a lot easier. DH and I have video chats and IM chats and everything when he's gone. It's not always like that, but in most cases you can somehow contact each other at least a few times a week. And sending care packages is fun, getting to put together special treats for him. The Army deployments are longer than the AF deployments, I know, since we are about to become a joint base with the army base beside us, but the wives I know are so strong, and you build such a community of friends in the military, that it makes it a little easier. There's always SOMEONE who knows what you are going through because they are going through it too. So there's always someone there to talk to. It's not easy, but it's do-able.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:17 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • OP here--- I also wanted to add about the night he told me he was enlisting. We had just finished discussing our feelings for each other and how we never wanted to be apart or lose each other again. And then that night he also told me he wanted to enlist. I told him that was fine, etc., and that I would follow him. But later, I got to thinking about all the time we would be away from each other, and I was up until 430am crying my heart out because of how much I was going to miss him. I feel like I am going to be like that every single night he is in BT. How did ya'll get through it? I'm one of those people who can't stand to be alone. I've never even lived alone until lately. It's one of my biggest fears.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I was just like you when my DH enlisted in the Air Force but we were married and I was pregnant. We got married young (still in HS), and when our DS turned 2 weeks old, he left for basic. But AF basic I think is shorter than Army, not sure though. It was 4 weeks we were apart, then in the 5th week I went to his basic to see him graduate and all that, and then his tech school was at the same base so me and DS stayed in a hotel there for a month and a half of his basic because we could go on base every day and eat lunch with him, and sometimes they had time when they could go off base and he'd come see us. It's going to be harder as a girlfriend though because they won't give you a military ID card til you are married so you won't be able to go on and off base when you please. Also, if you move with him and you are "just" the girlfriend, they will not allow him to live off base (at least that's how it is in the AF), so you

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:14 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • not to be a downer but then being a military spouse/girlfriend/whatever isnt for you. its really hard. my husband is never home, he is in the marine corps. i had our first child alone, raised her alone, and hes about to go on 2 more deployments within this year. its really hard. when they are home,, they are usually training for the next upcoming deployment. working til late at never ends really. thenyou have to put up with all the shit that the military gives u. its a hard life. but, just to let u know, you cant move with your boyfriend unless u guys are married

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • You CAN move with him but like I said they won't pay for you to move. You will have to move your own stuff, pay for your own house, etc. til you guys are married. and the PP above me doesn't know what your situation will be. Some have many many deployments, some have only a few months a year if that. Right now they're going to alternating, where you have to be home a certain amount of time before you can deploy again except in certain career fields. So get your information from a recruiter. You can go with your bf when he goes to see the recruiter and ask any questions you have.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:19 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • you just learn to deal with it. you find hobbys you find new friends join a gym. my husband is on his third deployment each time i have delt with it differently. but its part of our life so we have to find a positive way to deal with it.

    Answer by 82ndairbornewif at 1:34 PM on Jan. 31, 2010