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Are you a woman with a high sex drive and your dh has a low sex drive?

I am and I'm wondering how others are dealing with this. Has your dh seeked any help? If not, do you think he should? Have you done anything to subdue your urge? And how long can this really go on?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Jan. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • toys are a woman;s friend. there are times where you dont realy want a partner. you just want a bit of YOU time. and if a husband has a lower drive that is not a medical issue, then i would suggest investing in a few toys

    Answer by sati769leigh at 12:54 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • Yes, I have a much higher drive than my SO. Unfortunately, I love him, so not much I can do about it. I won't cheat. He won't go to a dr, b/c he says he's depressed and that he can't take meds due to his job, so he just has to deal with it. We both try to compromise, I try to take care of myself sometimes, and he tries to remember that I want it more and tries to get in the mood even when he doesn't feel like it. I do think he should get help, but unfortunately, I also see his point about his job and meds, and he is right, so...not much I can do. I just try to be supportive in all other ways, and I also remember that sex is not the most important part of our relationship, nor should it be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • To PP, any drug given by a doctor would be legal and just fine with any company. If you are talking about legal drugs then they wouldn't even show up in a test that they ran. And just in case you haven't googled it, there are many, many reasons that he could have a low desire. It could be something else.

    To prior PP, I'm sorry, but I don't want toys. I'm not even really physically deprived. I'm being deprived emotionally. We do have toys, but honestly I have no desire to use them without him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • No, he drives a big rig. He cannot be under the influence of any prescribed drug while driving. And any drug prescribed for depression, as well as being treated inpatient for depression, are automatic disqualifications on a DOT medical certificate, meaning he would never drive a truck again. This is his career.

    And before you come back with another opinion, let me just ask you this: Do you REALLY want someone driving an 80,000lb truck while under the influence of a drug that specifically states that they should not operate heavy machinery while taking it? Yeah, I didn't think so.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • Ok...but where do you go from here? Should I just accept that sex is not a part of our relationship at all? And how do you do that when it makes you feel constantly unloved?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • Is it not a part of it AT ALL? Or is it just that you don't get it as often as you would like? There's a difference. If you aren't having sex at all, then you may want to consider a serious heart to heart with him with a request to see a dr or go to couples counselling or something of that nature. If it's just a matter of it not being as often as you'd like, then talk to him and see if he can come up a bit and you'll come down a bit (meaning, you want it 5-6 times a week, he wants it 1-2, maybe compromise at 3-4?). Also, if it's about love, sex isn't the only way to show love. Does he hold you while you sleep? Does he kiss you, hug you, hold your hand? Does he do little things like checking the oil in your car or asking how you slept? Maybe try to find other things that show his love to remind you that he does love you, and that sex is just one of many ways that love can be expressed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • Well he doesn't find other ways to show me that he loves me, and I think that is why the intimacy is so missed. Everytime I ask, I get rejected. When I leave it up to him, we do it once a month. And we have had many talks about it. But talks really just don't change anything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • ok, here's my (and my SO says the same thing) opinion. And this is probably going to hurt, and I'm sorry for that. But it sounds like maybe he's just really not into the relationship anymore. If he's showing no affection whatsoever, and rejecting you outright when you ask for it, then that's a bigger problem than just a low sex drive. Even if my SO and I never had sex again, he still shows me tons of affection, so I would never doubt his love for me. I think, instead of wondering how to get more sex, maybe it's time to step back from that part of the relationship, and take a long look at the relationship as a whole and see if maybe there are other problems as well that you are ignoring or not noticing. Also, in terms of accepting that it isn't part of the relationship, maybe see if the relationship is worth giving up sex for. Do you get anything else out of it that makes it worthwhile? Just some thoughts.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • My SO's drive is fine, it's his mini-him that doesn't want to cooperate but we still have fun trying. When he isn't here I take care of my own needs. I have lots of toys and the old standard taking things into "my own hands" works for me. I can do it better anyway! lol

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:03 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

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