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Do you pay your college students expenses?

a friend of mine pays her son's rent, school fees, books, bought his car and laptop (2 since he was in 9th grade), pays his car ins. and stocks his fridge so he doesn't have to work. she also paid his speeding ticket he just got! The boy is 22 now and a senior in college and has not worked one day since...well, ever. She paid it all when he was in high school as well. Do you think this is doing hm a disservice and he will not be ready to take on a job and his own finances?

I know it's not my business I am just curious if this is 'normal' because I could never afford that!


Asked by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Jan. 31, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • No. I don't believe in enabling them. She should have gradually turned over some of the responsibility to him but she's wanting to control him. It's about her not about him. Sad. She certainly IS doing him a disservice. What if something happens to her (God forbid)? What would he do then? She needs to help him become a responsible man and cut the strings.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:57 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I don't have adult children, but I call tell you that while I was in college, my parents paid for my cell phone and my car insurance. SOMETIMES they gave me grocery money, but everything else (tuition included) was up to me. I survived by working full time and getting as many grants/scholarships/loans as I could. I'm paying the loans back now.

    Answer by christaberk at 2:50 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • i will help some with my kids but i feel like if they chose to live away from home then they should get a part time job. If they want to live at home and go to college i will be more supportive

    Answer by shay1130 at 2:57 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • My parents paid my rent and car insurance. The car was paid for already and they had bought me a computer when I had graduated college. They paid a good chunk of my education for me, but I still have about 20K in student loans.

    I had a part-time job (10 hours a week) so I could actually go out and do the things I wanted to do, but they gave me money when money was tight.

    I think it's fine that they're helping him out. It helped me out! I had awesome grades. I had the time to study. It was nice not having to worry about finances. It didn't hurt me at all!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • at least you worked this boy has never worked a day in his life?

    I think that he is going to be in a load of troubel when he has to make his own budget and get up and go to a job every day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I paid for all my three kids education, but only two went out of city to study. My son never worked, his job was high school and then college, he graduated cum laude and went to school on a full scholarship, he is now working for our local tv channel doing well. I do not think I did him or the others any disservice, they are well adjusted adults that make me proud everyday.

    Answer by older at 5:57 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I have 2 college aged sons and we bought their 1st cars while they were in high school, pay for their insurance, tuition, room and board. They get an "allowance" during the school year. In the summer and Christmas break they work to help with their "fun" money.

    I don't want my children to have to decide what is more important, work hours or study hours. One has almost finished school as he was at our local community college for police training and he knows that when he's got a job and is out on his own, he has to work on his on expenses and he's already budgeting what we give him. He knows that insurance will be on his own, phone will be on his own etc.

    So no, it is not a disservice, it is letting them know that studies are more important and that they have our full support.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • :41 PM on Jan. 31, 2010 by: Anon

    The woman in his life didn't help matters any by getting pregnant.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I never went to college after HS... I got my EMT certification & worked. My parents helped me out a lot, and still do sometimes when things get rough (like last fall when DH lost his job & we were denied unemployment).
    I have a 22 month old DD & a 15 year old SD. DH & I are planning on helping both of them if they REALLY need it. But we are also preparing them for the real world. My SD is pissed off because we can't pay for a private art college at $10K per semester- she thinks we just WON'T pay it. My DH makes $15/hour & I'm a SAHM- HELLO?!? I told her, "Welcome to the real world!" I am going back to school at a community college with Pell grants. The college I'm going to has a great art program, & if she wants to transfer to a 4 year, we have a state university nearby. But since that's not what SHE wants... She won't even LOOK at realistic options... *sigh* Sorry... college is a really touchy subject around here right now.

    Answer by emslala at 3:08 AM on Feb. 1, 2010


    I sure wouldn't mind HELPING my kids; I feel that it is part of the responsibility of being a parent. But there is a big difference between helping with a few things and paying for everything. We are not going to be able to do that, and quite honestly, I WON'T do that. I want my kids to learn responsibility & how it is in the real world- sometimes you get help & sometimes you just have to stand on your own 2 feet & pray to God that someone doesn't break your legs! ;-)

    Answer by emslala at 3:12 AM on Feb. 1, 2010