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Those that have put up thier kid(s) for adoption ( no bashing posts)

I was just wondering if you have put a baby up for adoption do you have other kids now or plan to have other kids in the future ?? Do you feel "quilty" about what you did even though for the best of the child if you have kids now ?

I am not looking down on anyone , my hubby was adopted and grew up in a loving home because his mom made a good choice of not keeping him since she wasn't ready to be a mom . Also my cousins adopted and lost 1 baby back to the birth mom , then finally was able to adopt with no problems then they got pregnant a few years later naturally . Seems like they all are ok with what has happened to them in the past and the adopted child has no problems with the adopted one. ............ I was just thinking and wondering .

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Jan. 31, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (13)
  • I married and had 4 more kids after having & placing my first child. She just turned 10. My hubby isn't her birth father, but has taken to her like he is. My kids know (for the most part) that they are sisters as well as friends (open adoption, so we see her relatively frequently). Yadda yadda yadda. Everything's been pretty much picture perfect up until about a year ago with the a-parents split up - long story, I still don't know all of it other than mom was cheating and walked out. Still have a good relationship with a-dad & 3 of their 4 kids. No guilt, but I wish we lived a little closer so I could have her here on the weekends to show her some of the mom-love she's not getting anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • No I don't feel "guilty" but it does hurt my heart to know that I am missing out on my little girl's life.

    I am now the mother of two more little girls and I honestly feel that I did the best thing by giving my first up for adoption. Motherhood is even harder than I thought it would be 7 years ago when I gave my first up for adoption. I am much better prepared to be a mother now....financially and maturity-ways.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I think it takes a lot of courage. Though I haven't done it myself, I can imagine the decision is brutal. I have friends who adopted two kids and they are SO grateful as they couldn't have kids.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 5:52 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I placed a son for adoption. I now have 2 daughters. No, I don't feel guilty in the least. I waited 10 years, almost 11, to have my first daughter. I was in a much better place in my life. 1st pregnancy...single, not working, student, lived at home with parents, dad was terminally ill.
    1st daughter...I was married 5 years, both of us had jobs, and prospects.
    All I could have given my son was a life on welfare, and, knowing myself as I do, probably a life of abuse, not physical but mental. I was afraid I would blame him for any problems I would ever have.
    TinaN64

    Answer by TinaN64 at 6:56 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • 1st DD raising 7-27-00
    2nd DD placed for adoption 7-12-07
    3rd DS raising 5-23-09

    I feel guilty for not being able to keep my second daughter. I was in NO place to raise another baby at that time. I had just lost EVERYTHING I owned. I found a family. We have a semi open adoption. Then my son came and we are in a much better place. My second dd and my ds are by the same man.

    Its hard placing a baby for adoption when you are parenting b/c you know what you are letting go of. And I know it is going to be crazy hard to answer my second dd questions once she gets older and askes "Why didnt you keep me?" Im so NOT ready to have to face those emotions.
    TLW514

    Answer by TLW514 at 9:40 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • "1st DD raising 7-27-00
    2nd DD placed for adoption 7-12-07"

    But wasn't the 1st child already being raised? What happened to put you in a circumstance where the 2nd one couldn't be raised?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I had two more children after I placed my first son. I don't feel guilty, but I have regrets. My heart aches many days for him, although I know he does have a good family. My children that I am raising know about my first son, and consider him family. It impacts them as well, they both miss a brother they have never known. My oldest son has reached out to my first born through MySpace, they talked for awhile at first but its tappered off. My youngest asks regularly when he'll meet him.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:25 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • All you mom's are so brave ! You did what you had to do for your baby's so that they could have a better life ! Good for you thinking about the baby first !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • To Anon 12:40pm-"1st DD raising 7-27-00, 2nd DD placed for adoption 7-12-07" But wasn't the 1st child already being raised? What happened to put you in a circumstance where the 2nd one couldn't be raised?

    TLW514 has been trying to post a response, but her computer isn't allowing it for some reason. Here's her story. (via PM with her permission.)

    I ended up homeless while pregnant. My BF and I werent ready. We had just met, both of us had suffered job losses, our future was uncertain, and I had a 6 y/o that I wasn't sure how I was going to take care of. I love my daughter (BD#2) and miss her EVERYDAY. A year later, things changed for the better, and I am now able to parent not only my oldest daughter but now our son.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • I did in fact feel guilty when I was pregnant again. I felt the deep sorrow that I failed my child and I didn't deserve another one. I worked through these feelings gradually, and I am so greatful I had a second chance. But there are still things like when my child hits a milestone, I get sad because I missed it with him...
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 6:46 PM on Feb. 8, 2010

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