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Husband doesn't want another child.

Hi, I haven't posted before, but have been a member for a while. I'm sure this is a common question, but couldn't find any answers using the search option.

My husband really doesn't want another child, and having grown up with a brother who is now one of my best friends, I mourn the thought of not having a sibling for my one-year-old son.

He has been a very difficult baby (whom we love dearly), but I don't think my husband could go through it again, and maybe I'm romaticizing it, myself. I had devastating post-partum depression, and have a hard time with one, so what if I were to fall apart with two!?

Could you give me some positive experiences about having an only child (or being one or knowing someone with one), so maybe I won't feel so sad about all this? Thanks in advance.

Answer Question
 
k_hill

Asked by k_hill at 10:50 PM on Jan. 31, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • i am an only child. i was raised by my grandoarents. so i lived with my aunt and grandparents when i was frowing up. my aunt is 12 years older and she was mor like a sister to me... but there was still a large age gap. are there any cousins around your sons age? dont feel bad for only having one child. you do what is best for alll of you and that is what is important. perhaps you and your sibling are best friends.... but it isnt like that for everyone. maybe your son was meant to be your one special little prince.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I have a very happy and smart 14 year old. One child worked well for us.

    Before deciding to get married, had you agreed to have one, or is this a recent change in your husband? If it is the latter, it may be a sympton of something else...
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:20 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Honestly, there are many family studies that show couples are NO MORE happier having more children than just having one.Infact there is evidence that having more children adds more stress especially after number 2 because of the financial issues that come with having kids. Your time is squeezed a little more too and your relationship can start to suffer. Now a lot of families make having lots of kids work and I am not saying you couldn't be one of those. But if you struggled that much with one then you should really think about this.
    IzzeAddy

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 8:25 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • My dh and I have two kids (girl 9,boy 5) I never really thought that we were having two in order for them to have eachother. I know a family member who seriously adopted a second baby for that very reason.
    My kids don't get along AT ALL,no joke. I mean it's so bad that they are not allowed to hold hands at school like the other sybs. I have tried to encourage them to love eachother but my oldest says she can't stand my lo. It is hurtful to dh and I but theses guys are individuals. If you and dh do have a second remember,you are having another because you want another child.
    momthruivf

    Answer by momthruivf at 11:44 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Thanks for all the encouraging answers. To answer rkoloms - we knew that we wanted kids, but hadn't discussed it much and then I got pregnant unexpectedly. I thought I had fertility problems, so it was sort of about "if it ever happens" versus "how many." I thought it would be such a wonderful, natural thing, but it's been tremendously difficult, compounded by the fact that our son had a cleft palate (which was just repaired). I think this first year or two may be the hardest as far as my husband's temperment goes. It's really difficult for him not to be able to "do stuff" with his son, and not know why he's crying. I'm more of a verbal person, and am not so "cutsie," so I think it also may be easier for me when he can express himself. I'm scared that 10 years down the line (or less), we'll really regret not having had two children. I know it's difficult when they're older, but i don't want this phase to determine everything.
    k_hill

    Answer by k_hill at 12:42 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

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