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I just got married, should I get a divorce?

I have been married now for 10 months, today my husband recived a summouns for parenity test. It appears that he cheated on me while we were engaged and the one night stand got pregnant. I have a 7 year old from a previous marriage. My son only knows my husband as his only father, since his biological dad never see him. My husband is begging me not to leave and says he will do anything to make things better. He promises not to have anything to do with the girl or thier child, especially beacause they live in a different country. I don't know what to do? Once a cheater always a cheater or forgive and forget? He loves me and I love him like I never loved anyone eles. And my son would be devasated to lose the only father he has known? What is the right thing to do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Jan. 31, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • Him saying he would abandon this child if it is his isnt the answer. Its still his child & deserves a father as much as your child does.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Only you know the right thing to do in YOUR situation. Check your state laws, you can probably get an annulment.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 11:52 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • i think that the answer lies within you.
    xtwilightx

    Answer by xtwilightx at 11:52 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • MEN ! THEY ALL SAY THAT !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I think you need to try and make it work. Is he cheating now. And the stigma of once a cheater always a cheater is not always true. I think it's just something women say and it gets sort of tiresome. Do you love him enough to work it out? Do you know the details of what happened? Was it once, was it a relationship or a really drunk night that he'd rather forget? Some men really are sorry without kissing ass.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • oh wow, so sorry. Your marriage is so young, I'd not hassle him about the test. Certainly would hassle him to leave the country to be with that other mama. But you really can't deny him his child if the baby is his child to know through mail and phone as it grows. I really suggest counseling for yourself if it turns out he is the daddy. Make an appointment now before the test is even taken and start now actually too. Different counsellors charge different prices. Make husband go with you early on or after a couple of visits. This is something he must do if he loves you.

    What he does affects your son. Let him know that. That your son and his health and wellbeing are even more important to you than yourself right now. Be strong mommy!!!!
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 11:54 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • I think you have to make that decision yourself. If it was truly just a one night stand, and you can be fairly sure that's the only time it ever happened, then MAYBE you can work it out. It takes a strong woman to work through it though. I would sit him down and tell him EXACTLY how you feel and let him know he had one chance to come completely clean with you on anything that had happened previously. Then if you still feel like working it out, you insist on couples therapy. If he says no, then there's your answer. If he's willing to really try to earn your trust back, then you've got a shot.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 11:55 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • This happened to me. We are still married, it's been five years. I figure it was a long distance relationship, we barely knew each other, he made a poor choice. He is in love with me and is my best friend. We got through it. He is not a chronic cheater and I totally trust him, in fact, it doesn't even bother me one bit now. I love my family, he just had some growing up to do and he did it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • Honestly, this is going to be very hard and painful for you both. Is he always going to cheat? I don't know. Some people make a mistake and you're able to repair things and come out of it stronger. Others, it's only once (whether it's one affair or only one time they had sex), and you just can't put it behind you. Sometimes, the person is a slime who will cheat all the time. Only you know which of these groups you're in.

    It's going to hurt, no matter what happens. And, whether he has any contact with them or not, if this is his child, he needs to pay support - not just legally, but morally - the child didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't be punished.

    But, since it's going to hurt no matter what you choose, maybe you should consider going to counseling - alone and as a couple - and see what comes of it before you make any decisions.

    good luck - hugs to you!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:57 PM on Jan. 31, 2010

  • do whats best for u but u dnt have to keep ur son from seeing him even if u split
    momatonly16

    Answer by momatonly16 at 12:20 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

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