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Why the anger towards submissive wives??

Every couple of weeks a post will pop up here on CM about submissive wives. It always seems to get some woman so upset. Why does that thought of a woman shoosing to live her life this way seem to offend so many woman? That she can truly be happy in a loving, caring relationship so horrible? I have never seen a submissive wife to convert another woman on CM. I have never seen a sybmissive wife put down another members marriage/relationship. Yet most submissive wives have to defend their lifestyle if they decide to share this with CM members. Most SM wives are calm, and polite while debating this topic while most woman on the other side are rude, harsh, and just nasty to them. I guess I just don't understand.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 AM on Feb. 1, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • You guys aren't getting the point. Theres a difference between being considerate of your husband's wants, needs, and opinions and being controlled by him. I have HONESTLY found that if you treat your husband with respect and don't talk down to him like so many women do, and make him FEEL like he is "head of the household" then he will treat you like a QUEEN. I don't know how many times I've heard these "strong independent women" talking down to their husbands like they are children who need to be controlled and their husbands turn around and do SO many things without them knowing because if they told them then they would be "in trouble". My husband loves coming home because he knows I do my best to keep him and the family happy and in turn they do THEIR best to make me happy. I have an outside life, I am not chained to my house and told to slave away all day. DD and I just spent the whole day out having fun!

    Answer by AprilDJC at 4:17 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • What is a submissive wife?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I've been in a relationship where my husband's demanded that I be submissive to his sexual wants and his commands to be controlling of money and social times. Since I've stood up to him and firmly say my legal rights are, my emotional rights are (worded differently than those words) he's backed down a lot and is more caring.

    A lot of moms are almost and are pistol whipped by their men, beaten physically and emotionally. Knowing from that and what I've been through that women say they submit and put up with, allow many different ways for their men to be absolute rulers of the home and their lives is upsetting to women who've lived through it.

    A lot of times women hide living through that and say its ok when really they're severely depressed and have no selfrespect. Have you ever known anyone who suddenly without warning has committed suicide? That suicidal person many many times hides very very well their depression too.

    Answer by lfl at 12:14 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I think it really depends on your definition of "submissive wife". I think this article sums it up pretty well, what the difference is between submissive and controlled. :

    Understand the difference between submissive and controlled. Submissive, as defined by the, is to be HUMBLY obedient. Controlled, on the other hand, is the situation of being under the regulation, domination, or command of another.

    Step 2 Make sure to love your spouse overall his flaws. This does not mean you should allow yourself to be mistreated in any way. Simply, do not criticize his ways, but offer helpful advice making sure not to offend him.


    Answer by AprilDJC at 12:32 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Step 3 Be respectful. Respect comes easy when you truly love your spouse. You should respect his opinions, decisions, and ideas. Again, if these in any way bring you harm, you should not approve of them. If there is a decision you do not agree with, talk it over with him in a calm manner.

    Step 4 Be aware that the man is the head of the household.

    Step 5 Never make big decisions that affect both of you without your spouse knowing. This will only bring conflict between you two.

    Step 6 Serve your husband in a cheerful manner throughout all his need. Serving someone you love and respect is not a difficult task. This should come naturally if the above is followed.


    Answer by AprilDJC at 12:32 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Step 7 Remember, being a submissive wife does not mean you are a dumb wife. Allow yourself to learn, grow, goal-orientated and follow your dreams. A loving marriage requires work. If you both are at war for the same spot as head of a household, prepare to be part of a quarrelsome home.

    Step 8 Serve = to render assistance; be of use; help...
    Aren't all careers out there a form of service? Why not start at home?

    THAT was the article. In my opinion, almost all of this is how we should treat our spouse, and how our spouse should treat us. WIth the utmost respect and care. I would not want to be the head of the household. My DH discusses ALL major decisions with me, and 99% of the time he leaves the decision up to me. But if he absolutely feels I am making the wrong decision, he will either let me go through with it and make the mistake, or he will decide if it is going to negatively affect our family.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 12:35 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I see absolutely nothing wrong with living this way if you are not being abused, are not being mentally put down or broken, and allow yourself to continue to grow. Then again, I believe this because I have Christian beliefs and I really do think God put women on earth to be a helpmeet to their husbands. I know a lot of you are not going to agree, and I also do have to sometimes be the "head" of the household because DH is miltary and isn't always here. I do control the finances but if he wants to buy something, we will. If he says no,that's the answer. But he seldom HAS an opinion on it because that's my area lol. He just works and brings home the money. I decide how to spend it and most of the time I do a great job so he trusts me.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 12:37 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Honestly, I think that for some who are raised to make their own choices, stand on their own two feet, pay their own way, etc, it's an insult. I think women have been subservient for so long and we've fought for equality for so long that we want everyone to be treated with respect by their men. That said, it's not for everyone and if you're happy then I am happy and not judging.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:42 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Oh I should add too that I can go get a job whenever I want and I do bring in money by babysitting, and he will stay home and watch the kids any time I want to go out, and he tells me all the time to do stuff for myself. Buy new clothes if I want, get a haircut if I want, go out for lunch if I want, etc. I think that sometimes treating your SO with more respect than "normal" will get you more respect and admiration from him.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:00 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • April is 100% right. I am a submissive wife with a very happy marriage , I am pleased to say. If I thought I was being abused, I would be out of the house in a flash

    Answer by janet116 at 1:04 AM on Feb. 1, 2010