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I dont know what to do anymore!! Please give me some suggestions!

My DD is 13 and is usually a A+ Student. Well we received her report card and she went down in every subject. So we took her cell phone and laptop away. Well now its the middle of the quarter and her teacher just called me stating that she is worried about her because she is not passing in her assignments and its just not like her. She is only passing in "satisfactory" work and not trying being lazy. She is very popular and seems to be putting her school work on the back burner. We have not had any sleepovers or let her sleep over anyones house either. Dont know what to take away next or what to do. We have always said school comes FIRST!! Above everything. Please HELP US!!!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Feb. 1, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Have you tried talking to her? Sure, you can take away everything that she owns but that doesn't solve the situation. All it does is bore her, but again it doesn't solve the situation. Sit her down and have a conversation with her about what you expect of her, but first hear her side of the story. Just shut the mouth and open the ears, allow her to tell you what's going on. Whether it's something at home, a sudden drop in self asteem, whether someone's bullying her, etc. Just because she's popular doesn't mean she isn't having issues with her peers. It could be as simple as her finding her social life more important, but you'll never know the issues until you talk to her.

    Just let her know that she has responsibilities as a teenager and then explain to her what those are. If she cannot follow through with those responsibilities then she doesn't need to have the priviliages that go along with it. (Contin)
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:38 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • Talk to her. Smart girls are just that, smart but they get distracted with social life. Ask her what SHE would do if she were you. You might be surprised what she says. Let her be responsible & help solve the problem since she's creating it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:07 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Well this is tough I make my son earn everything. He goes to bare bones. He gets food, bed and homework. No toys, no ty no phone or friends or video games. He might stick it out for a few days, but he has to earn everything, when he's grounded. If you want to play, u have to earn it. He has to clean his room, do his chores, and all of his homework, before he's able to get ty or something back. This is on a daily basis. Is there a boy involved?
    Ifiwereabook

    Answer by Ifiwereabook at 11:07 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I say if she's not going to act like a responsible 13-year-old then you treat her like an irresposible 6-year-old until she shapes up. Make her sit down in front of you (at the table or something while you're prepping dinner) to do her homework. No free time to do what she likes until it's done. No outings - she has to study. And since the teacher has called and seems to want to work with you, have an assignment notebook or something that the teacher has to check before she leaves, and notify the teacher you will be on top of her work, and that way your daughter can't just "not turn it in" because the teacher will know to ask for it.

    continued below
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • no boys this year... just attitude and more attitude. Should I make her do more chores??? Take everything away?? Ipod, all music? What about her posters that she loves.. should I take them away too?? Thank you so much ladies for helping me out!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I'd also try to find the root of the problem. Do her friends make fun of her for having good grades? Does she think grades just aren't important?

    I would stress the importance of good grades by SHOWING her why good grades are important. HAve her do the most disgusting jobs at home. Clean the toilets, clean the gutters with your husband's help,..whatever you deem worthy of the "disgusting factor" for her. When she complains, say something like, "Well, with bad grades you can't into college to get an education to get a decent job, and we just want you to see what you'll be doing for a living." Hopefully this will get her back in gear to do her work the way she should.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Anon 11:10
    OP here.. I spoke with her teacher and told her that I am willing to do anything the suggest and that I am on their side! She does have a "agenda" that comes home every day that we have agreed to communicate thru! Good Ideas, I will treat her like a irresponsible 6 year old.. I guess I will become gastapo mom.. lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • If she has always be responsible, I would suspect that she has somehow been affected by some personal trauma or threat that has her thinking preoccupied with thoughts other than of school. Instead of reading her the riot act, start by asking her if she is troubled about something. At her age, it could be something as simple to you as a girlfriend stealing what she thinks is her boyfriend or another girl friend. There is always an issue behind the behavior, and that's what you want to find out about. You won't do that by just taking away her stuff or her privileges. You will only drive her further into herself and whatever the problem is. She will become more angry and resentful. You must give her the impression that you are concerned for her and about what has caused the shift in her work ethic. Has anything happened at home where she has felt she gave her best and it wasn't good enough to satisfy her parents?
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:16 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Try to remember that this is HER problem and HER responsiblity - not yours (this was very hard for me to do). If she has to go to summer school and miss out on summer vacation she might try harder next year, and it won't ruin her life forever. I would try to stay in the loop and find out if there is more to the this than just normal middle school flake out. You might also ask her what she thinks is going to happen if she keeps goofing off.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • You know, sometimes you can do whatever you want and it won't change how your daughter views school. You can take away everything she loves and she could do even worse in school. The trick usually is finding out WHY she's not as concerned about school as you are, and find out how you can help. It's not an easy or simple solution, TRUST me been dealing with that with my 16 year old
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:17 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

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