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so so alone. please please help.

So I need your ladies help so badly. My husband and I have been married over two years now, but have been together longer. We have a wonderful 19 month old daughter as well. I just dont know what to do anymore. I love him so much, but I am sick of putting my whole heart and soul into something he doesnt even put half into. I watch my daughter, do daycare, go to school full time, and tutor. He is a correctional officer and works 12 hour shifts, but only has to work 16 days a month. I cook, clean, everything and he cant even hang up his coat. He says I do nothing. He never tells me I am attractive, nor does he say I love you hardly ever anymore. He also wont kiss me unless I ask him or he thinks I am mad or wants something. He always puts me last and I always put him first and he expects me to put him first. I have tried literally everything to get him to see where I am coming from but nothing works.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Feb. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Have felt this way before myself. Stop putting him 1st, take care of you & your dd & don't worry about him. Choose to focus your attention on giving your daughter the attention you wished he'd show you. May even wanna leave for a few days & see what this does, it'll either make him want you to come home or stay gone but you'll know for sure how he feels. If you leave & he doesn't care then its not worth you staying for anyways. Sorry mama, some guys are just assholes!!!
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 11:36 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Start treating him like he treats you. First stop doing things for him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:43 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • He sounds like he's a Narcissist (look it up) and if so he's not going to change. They think they are king of their castle and expect the female to do it all and expect them to love doing it too. They are very self centered. Men like that think marriage is the goal and after they get the goal they no longer have to work at the relationship. It's sad but many men are like that.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:46 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • louise2 is right and add to that get counseling for yourself to help you understand you are allowed selfworth when you see your eyes in the mirror instead of seeing sadness and pain like you see now.

    Counseling might join you back together or it could make you know for sure that you're just not good together.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 11:47 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  •  Quote:  I just dont know what to do anymore.


    Looks like you've made up you mind already. Good luck.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • You already know the answer, but i guess you needed confirmation...Stop putting him first and start taking better care of you and your daughter. To say you do nothing is an insult..sure would like to see him do it. Start ignoring him more and he will see the big picture,....take care
    nikki1012009

    Answer by nikki1012009 at 12:20 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I agree with admckenzie, he sounds like a total narcissist. I understand what it's like to deal with one of those...kinda like beating your head against a brick wall... I have some really eye opening information I've copied to some journals on my page, if you want to send me a friend invite, they'll be at your disposal. (((HUGS)))
    chocolatluver

    Answer by chocolatluver at 12:33 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Sounds like another marriage based on physical attraction. Now that the new has worn off, there is no real foundation for togetherness. It's very, very common in today's world--too common, in fact. That being said, you can turn your marriage around. You start by remembering that a good marriage is 100% about the other person and 0% about yourself. When you put his needs before your own and stop complaining about his not meeting your many needs, the first thing you will notice is that he is suddenly more interested in spending time with you helping you and just meeting your needs. You will get more by giving more. I know that sounds backwards, but it is the absolute truth. Here are some books that will help you: THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Dr. Gary Chapman, FOR BETTER OR FOR BEST by Dr. Gary Smalley, BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Been married 45 years as of Sat. so know whereof I speak.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:51 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • are we married to the same guy? ha. i am right there with you. i dont know what to do either. i guess we have good days... but mostly bad. bad in my opinion anyway. he pays me no attention really. he does kiss me. only a peck when he leaves for work and when he gets home. he cant pick up after himself. he is impossble. he wasnt like this before we got married. i was pregnant before we were married, but we were engaged. got married after our 1st who is now 18 months. and we have a second who is 5 months. i am just trying to get use to doing things by myself. and i am trying to take care of me and my babies. if we didnt have children... i would leave. but i am staying bc i am doing it for my kids. it isnt about me anymore. i got myself into this mess, and now i have to put myself after my children. good luck. i know how you feel.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • anon 12:52 here... i do not agree with nanny b at all. marriage is 50/50. and if one isnt in it... it wont matter how much the other gives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

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