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Funeral or Birthday Party?!

I agreed to help my next door neighbor who has become a good friend with her DD's 1 st Bday party this Saturday....then my Mom's BFF who is like an aunt to me called and told us that her son had died, the funeral is the same Saturday.

Now I was not particularly close to her son though he is about my age, he was an alcoholic (think "Leaving Las Vegas" kind of alcoholic) so he died suddenly.

I am torn, any advice?

Answer Question

Asked by chefronswife at 12:55 PM on Feb. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,045 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Go with the birthday part hands down. I attend funerals out of respect for the living, but I think they are mostly a big waste.
    Did you say you'd be at the funeral too? If not, just tell the truth if asked and tell them you had a conflict, that you were notified of the other event first.
    Sounds like the mom with the 1 year old is going to be in much more of a bind by your absence then a man that is no longer with us.
    Go to the party- it's your right!

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 1:17 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I would hate to upset the mother who lost her child by not attending the funeral since she's like an aunt.

    How do you think she would react to you not being there for her?

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 1:46 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • OP: I am not sure LuvBug, I think I would feel guilty.....

    Answer by chefronswife at 1:51 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Well, I would do the right thing by going to the funeral.


    Answer by LuvBug3 at 1:53 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I would do the funeral I lost my 16 year old daughter 2 years ago unexpected and your friend is going to need ALOT of support your other friend should understand and her child will have many more birthdays to come.You could still offer to help decorate or offer a helping hand just let her know you will be tied up for time for the funeral.

    Answer by mom2fivekids579 at 1:59 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Would it be possible to visit her before the funeral or right after? The truth is that when you are in the midst of such turmoil and grief, most people are pretty unaware of who is there. The time when she will really need care and support is after the funeral when other people have gotten back to their normal routines. I think you could probably be of more help to her then than during the funeral itself. Having suffered several significant losses myself, I appreciate those who remember after almost everyone else has forgotten.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:09 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I'd try to do both. You can always show up at the funeral home early for visitation to show my face and sign the book. Then slip away and go to the party.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:03 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • I would try to go to your mom's friend's home before the funeral. Like a pp said, the day of the funeral is a blur, she'll need you when everyone else leaves. And your friend's daughter will only be 1 once. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:37 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

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