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Step-daughter is 21 does not go to college and does not work full-time. Is not appreciative of anything that anyone does for her including her Dad.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Feb. 1, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • It sounds like its time for some tough love! Who supports her? I think if she doesnt want to work, she needs to go to school. If she doesnt go to school, she needs to get a job and pay her own way. Someone needs to let her know that its not ok for her take advantage of people's love and kindness.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 4:49 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Sure you arent' being a little hard on her? what makes you think she doesn't appreciate it? Maybe she's frustrated by her situation- sure you aren't short with her? Maybe she can't find a full time job- this economy isn't easy on anyone.
    what is it that you want from her exactly? have you told her?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • 21, not working, not in school....quit doing things FOR her. Harsh road....CUT HER OFF!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • just to be honest COLLEGE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. but job wise she does need to help, she sounds like my sister in law, going to be 21 in march, mooches off mommy and daddy has no means of going to college or trying to get a job and she talks to my father in law like he's a piece of shit for supporting her.....wow ok im dont venting
    bmdred

    Answer by bmdred at 7:17 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • Have her father give her a little talk or have her live with her bio mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • 21 and still living at home and acting like that? I'd have to be having the talk asking her what her future plans are and ask for a time line. You and dad are enabling her. What if something happened to dad (God forbid)? What would she do? She needs to learn to be independent. Get with dad and discuss limits and a goal to get her out and on her own two feet.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:49 PM on Feb. 1, 2010

  • And she still lives at home? Well, geez of course she's gonna stick around, she has it made. Tell her she has x months to get a full time job and to save money to move out. I'd give her 2 get a job and 6 after that to save for an apartment. Give her goals and encourage her to be independent. My sister has her 21 and 23yo's still at home (rent free) and her 8yo shares a room with mom and dad because the adult kiddos have their own rooms. We visited last summer and we were all sitting in the living room (including my 8yo niece) when my nephew and his gf came home, went in to his room and well, they had sex. I couldn't believe it. My sons at home are high school seniors (18 & 19, 1 on on the way to college & 1 off to the Army after they graduate) and they have to keep their doors open when their gf's are here. My older 2 are 22 & 23 & both moved out at 19. We raised our boys to become independent men & not dependant momma's boys.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • Tell her enough is enough, she's 21 years old an adult. And she needs to go to some kind of school to better her education and get a great career. or to go find work somewhere.She needs to be doing something with her life , She's too old to just be doing nothing at all anymore. At home. If she's not sure what she wants to do she can always work part-time during the day and go to night-school at night. part-time too. That way maybe in a year or two she'll know if she want to do a career of some kind or just go to work somewhere.. Have her mom and dad both talk to her about doing something with her life. If she's still not doing anything in about a few months then have her leave home and do nothing by herself on her own .Just tell her you can't stand to see a grown up person staying at home doing nothing all day long. and just taking advaN
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 8:35 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • P.S. advantage of you and your husband.. good luck ;]
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 8:40 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • I'm only 22 ... But I say out the door! If you continue with a patern of "supporting" her its what she will expect. Now I don't mean go push her out the door this second. Tell her either (A) Go to school full time, live her rent free. I say rent free because going to school means she is attempting to get her life on track. (B) Get a job, and pay us X amount of money per month for rent. This is a way of helping her manage money, things we all do in the real world. (C) If you choose neither A or B you have 30 days to get a jobs, find an apartment, and move out. My parents did this to me, except I was only 16 ... So I'm almost positive if I can do it at 16, a 21 year old has the capabilities.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Feb. 23, 2010

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