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My four year old son is afraid of his dad?

his step dad is his "dad", he calls his bio dad alex. he spends weekends at alex's and comes back afraid of "dad". won't even let him touch him. this has gone on for a month now. i asked my ex why, he says he has no clue. he comes back mondays and clings to me, say's he wants to sleep with his blankie again. i've been married to his step dad for 2 yrs, but he's been going with alex on weekends since 6 months old.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Feb. 2, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (13)
  • Most likely your ex is doing or saying something to make your son scared of his 'dad'
    Jan0609momma

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 1:47 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • Yeah I think Alex is doing something or saying something that makes him scared, you might want to have your son see a child psychiatrist, and have them forward their report to family court, because you may need to change the visitation if he is going to be doing things like that on his visits.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 2:20 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I agree with talking to a child psychiatrist. But not just to penalize father. The important thing is finding out why your son is afraid of his step-dad, whether there be a reason or if it's just planted ideas from his father. Don't just dismiss it off-hand, thinking that it's a vengeful ex. It could be, but treat it seriously and watch for signs in case he's being hurt. You need to be his advocate.
    mugsysmommy

    Answer by mugsysmommy at 3:03 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • For one thing...why would you allow your child to call his biological father by his first name and not call him "Dad?" I don't care who you are, if the real dad cares enough to pay child support and have visits, you should support the child calling him "Dad." Maybe he is starting to feel emotionally conflicted because you want to replace his real dad with your second husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I agree with the PP. You are a disgrace of a mother to try to play with your child's emotions like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • It also seems to me that you are trying to replace his Dad with your second husband. Grow up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I won't go anon, to tell you that is horrible. If that childs bio dad has been in his life since he was 6 months old and now has a step dad, you should be ashamed of yourself for having your son call him by his first name when he is clearly being a responsible dad. And your DH should be too. I agree with all the anon's and I am not afraid to show my name.
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 2:48 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • He calls his real Dad Alex because that is what you expect of him. Either that is what you refer to him as or you are constantly reminding him of who his dad is. But you are wrong. If he is 3-4 years old, he is only doing what is expected of him and what you have taught him. If you want to do the right thing, you should first of all open up your heart and your mind to your son's feelings and completely disregard your own and your husband's feelings. First tell your son that it is OK if he wants to call Alex, "Dad" that it's OK. Alex is his Dad and he should feel good about that. Your husband can be called by his first name by your son and your son should have NO bad feelings about calling your husband by HIS first name. That is how it should be. You are playing with fire here and you only have a very short time to repair this problem. Do it today.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • it doesn't matter who the kid calls DAD... something is going on with the CHILD here and that's the important thing, how about you "ladies" focus on the problem she's asking advice about, and not attacking her because of her CHOICES.

    I agree with a PP you need to figure out what is going on, and if it means a child psycologist, then that's what you have to do. it sounds like the bio father is planting thoughts into his head. 4 years old is an impressionable age.
    Wrtngfantasymom

    Answer by Wrtngfantasymom at 5:54 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I agree with a PP you need to figure out what is going on, and if it means a child psycologist, then that's what you have to do. it sounds like the bio father is planting thoughts into his head. 4 years old is an impressionable age.

    Don't you think for one second that it wouldn't be confusing for a child of that age to be with his bio dad (who I am sure if asking him to call him Dad when he is around) and then going back to mom and his step dad? I would think it would be the cause of the issue, because his REAL dad may be asserting his hurt feelings over NOT being called dad and then saying "that man is not your dad, I am". If nothing I really feel sorry for your child. Do what is best for him, not how you feel about his bio dad. He is lucky enough to have two dad's in his life, why alienate the one who helped created him?
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 7:42 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

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