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We are joining the army and I have a slew of people telling me why we shouldn't and one of the concerns was that my hubby would come back as a different person and not the person I married. This scares me and I was just curious what your experiences are with that?

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Asked by MarshMeli79 at 10:28 AM on Feb. 2, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • my husband did not come back a different person. In fact, I changed more than he did because my independence grew. The hardest part after him returning was getting used to being together. If you guys love and really trust each other and can ignore other people telling you rumors, then you will be just fine. And, even if your husband does change, that is not necessarily a bad thing.

    Answer by ZaTa at 10:43 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I think it depends on the individual. Some people can handle the sites and sounds of war(if he needs to be sent to a war infested country) and others simply snap. It could go either way. There are alot of things to consider before enlisting...feeling like a single parent and having to raise the kids while the soldier is out on training or on a hardship tour which means no family is allowed to go there for obvious safety reasons to civilian families. Then there is the stress it can put on a relationship in general. Emotional wear and tear is a big thing; mental strength really determines what happens.

    The pros to being in the military are pretty good. You get to see the world(i have a friend who is in italy with his wife and daughter...they love it). I went to Germany with my ex, beautiful country and people. You meet new people, college is provided for and you get housing or housing allowance(BAQ) and it's not so bad. :)

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 10:44 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • it depends on what he gets into as well. if he see's a lot of stuff that most people don't see, it will change him. Not always in horrible ways though. It may make him more guarded, it may make him a better dad. It may mess with his mind. I think it all depends on the person truly. My husband was a marine and now a cop. You can not imagine the crap he has seen. But it really hasn't "changed" him. He still cares for us, spends time with us and is a great dad and husband. Although he has become more bitter to the general population. I don't blame him, he has had to deal with a lot of trash. But, as long as you keep loving him, give him the support and outlets that he needs you won't lose him. He may change, but hopefully he will have the strength to appreciate what he has instead of dwelling on the negative aspects of the job. Good luck.

    Answer by xtwilightx at 10:46 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • you are BOTH joining the army. then you will BOTH be different. wether you see combat or not. there will be changes

    Answer by sati769leigh at 10:54 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I don't know why some people just can be supportive of our choice. It seems like so many people are trying to feed my head with doubt. I get a lot of people telling me that I am seniding my husband to his death sentence, which is probably the cruelest thing to say to us. I love my husband dearly and would walk the world over barefoot and on broken glass so whatever comes our way i want to work it out and become stronger as a family unit. He is already such an amazing person and to think he could lose his sense of humor and personality scared me. Thank you for such kind positive words. It's funny how I can receive these words from people I don't even know and the people I do know want to be so negative. We are both in our 30 so this choice has not been made lighty. Ultimately this will make more doors open for our family, I believe. Thanks again ladies.

    Answer by MarshMeli79 at 11:01 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I say we because it's a family choice and even though I'm not the one actually going, we are. lol Right? I told my hubby that when he went into bootcamp that I would do my own bootcamp back at home til my son and I could join him. I mentioned that we were later in our lives... I'm 30 and my hubby is 34 and I know there will be a lot of younger couples. Should I be weary of anything?

    Answer by MarshMeli79 at 11:04 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • honey change doesnt mean and end to your relationship. as long as you BOTH go in to this with open eyes and loving hearts. you should be find.

    and i commend you BOTH for wanting to make this sacrifice in your live for this country

    Answer by sati769leigh at 11:06 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • We all change with each new experience we have in life. It's a risk we take every day when we interact with others. Joining the Army is no different. Maybe you will change as well so it doesn't have to be a bad thing. If he goes to war, of course that can be traumatic but hopefully this mess will be over soon and these men will come back not too scarred. Give him a hug for me and tell him how much many of us appreciate what he's going to do to keep us safe.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:20 AM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • we're AF. Been in 17 years. My husband has been to Iraq twice and Mogudeshu (spelled that wrong). Yes he has changed but so haven't I in the 18 years we have been together. My husband has never talked about what he has seen with me and I have honestly never asked. He did some counseling when he came back the last time. Do not let people that are uninformed talk him out of doing this if this is what he wants. My husband is more of a man today then he was before the military. He has changed for the better.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 12:21 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

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