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To moms with more than one....

My dd is 8 months old and we've started thinking about #2...I want them to be close in age, and I feel physically ready, but here's the thing I'm worried about...I love my daughter more than I ever imagined I could...it's amazing. I can't imagine how I will love another baby this much! I know it sounds bad but I feel like somehow I will be unfairly taking away from her to tend to another child. I enjoy every second of taking care of her - I love dressing her, bathing her, feeding her, nursing her....won't that all start to feel like work if I have another one to take care of too? Anyone else worry about this??

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stepmom929

Asked by stepmom929 at 12:23 PM on Feb. 2, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 12 (920 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • i have 2 kids,. i love them the same,. they both drive me insane. your dd is 8 mts. wait till she turns 2!! oh is hell your in the easy part of parenting. toddlerhood is a huge challage and having 2 kids makes it 10 x worse
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 12:30 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I would wait a LITTLE bit longer. My daughter had just turned one when we got pregnant with number two. And having her walking and talking by the time our son was here, made things so much easier. She's 2 now, and he's 8 months. And I was worried about how I would love another child, all the same things you are worried about, but trust me...you will love them equally, and you will find ways to spend time with them both and they will both know how much you love them. Granted your daughter will get jealous...it never fails. She will act out...but she'll eventually come around. My two wrestly around every now and again....and my little one beats up his older sister. He's huge though..only about 5lbs less than her. lol....so it's a pretty fair fight. Trust me you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I am so glad I decided to have another one...I'm only 20yrs old...and it's easy peasy. lol I love being a mommy of two!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • So what's so wrong with the idea of keeping your child a only child? having a sibling doesn't mean that you'll have someone there for you for life- often it's the opposite.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I worried about that once I found out we were pregnant again..though we never TTC-it just kinda happened that way. But...once I had our son, I realized...you can love both kids with your whole heart, but in totally different ways. Just like...you love your husband, right? No where near the same as you love your family...but still, as much as you can possibly love another person. It's the same way with kids.
    WatermelonNerd

    Answer by WatermelonNerd at 12:37 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I had that same feeling too, and I promise you there is plenty of a mother's love to go around for all her babies. I had twins six years after my last child, then i had my daughter 13 months after they were born. I have to say that the older siblings (especially the youngest of the older ones) just took to the new brothers and sister like crazy. He loved to hold them, help me change them and it was so much fun watching them interact.

    I don't think you need to wait. I think it's good when siblings are close together. Yes it is alot of work, but you also can enlist the help of older siblings for simple things once in a while to help ease the work load like helping with dishes, or cleaning up toys or even helping give baby a bath or with feedings. It's stressful sometimes, but he rewards outweigh the work in my opinion, especially when you see them playing nice together and helping each other out.
    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 12:37 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • As far as loving another the best way I can explain it is this- You grow another heart =) I had similar concerns when I was pregnant with #2, but what your children don't get from you- they get from each other- my youngest had the joy of learning from her big brother, and he had the joy of helping with his little sister - the time and joy they share is one of my greatest joys as a mother also.

    RippledBegonias

    Answer by RippledBegonias at 1:30 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I'm smiling reading your post because that's EXACTLY how I felt. I felt sad when I had an 8 month old and found out I was pregnant (planned) with my second, because I felt like I was betraying her. I also felt guilty toward the new one because I didn't feel that same excitement as with the first pregnancy... but guess what... your heart grows, so there can always be more room, more than you ever imagined. A mom's heart has infinite capacity for love... this sounds cheesy, but it's true. And TRUST ME, your first daughter WILL continue to monopolize your time... they really have a knack for getting all the attention they need or want. Your little one will fit calmly into his/her place, too... you won't be able to sit and watch him/her sleep as much, you may not take as many photos, but you will love him/her just as much. You won't have extra time, but you will have extra love to give; your kids will do great.
    EmilySusan

    Answer by EmilySusan at 1:42 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • While there is nothing wrong with wanting an only child that is not what this mom is saying she wants so I will answer her question. personally I feel 2-3 years apart is ideal and mine are 25 month apart. I was worried about the same things when I got pregnant with #2, but it all works out in the end. As long as you listen to both childrens cues to the amount of attention they need it all works out in the end. having a SO for support is a plus too. In the end it is your decision, but I would personally say wait a few more months before TTC again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • You're not alone in how you're feeling. It's quite common. However, rest assured that as a mom it just works. It's like the Grinch started the story with an already big adoring heart, then baby arrives and that heart still grows 2-sizes that day. :) I'm sure before your 1st was born 8 months ago you knew you would love your own baby. But I'm also sure you had no idea just how much until she was here. Its the same with a second child if that's what you opt to do.

    I have two kids. They are 27 months apart. I didn't take from my son when DD was born. I added. He now had another person to adore and be adored by. Sure, not all siblings have that life long bond - but many do. Mine are now 7 and 5. They are the best of friends. My brother and I are 36 and 32. He's not perfect but he's mine. ;) He's always there when I need him and vice versa. That was a gift our parents gave us. It's one we give our kids.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 2:07 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • Honestly, while I am sure you have plenty of love to give, there is a limit to how much time and attention you can give. My DD is 16 months, and I can not imagine being pregnant now with a baby set to arrive in a couple of months- which is where you would be if you got pregnant now. My DD still requires so much of my attention. She is a sponge for learning and new experiences, she needs almost constant attention and supervision. I have trouble unloading the dishwasher or folding laundry without an extra set of little "helping" hands. I want to teach her, interact with her, help her. If I had another baby I could still do those things but not as much. There just isn't enough time and I would constantly be choosing between which child would get my attention at each moment. I know there are moms who do it and who do it well. There are just limits on how much can be done and if it is my choice I will space my kids a bit more.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:45 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

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