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Why is it that men are so controlling.? How do i get them to change?

my boyfriend and father of my 2 kids is so contrlling. I cant even to clubing with my friends . and i always ask him why he does not trust me and he says oh babe i do trust u but u know how u get wild when u drink and blah blah. i dont get crazy when he is not ther i want to get put with the girls once and awhile. he says that i l;ove to show opff my ass and i am very different when i am with other peole. I cant even cuddle with him with out him asking me to give him head. and if i dont he gets mad. he does not even help me with the laundry or anything like that. i love him and dont want us to break up. but it is comming to that . can anybody please help me.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am desperate.

 
Jessica19852005

Asked by Jessica19852005 at 9:05 PM on Feb. 2, 2010 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I doubt that there is anything YOU can do, since this is HIS issue. Either just go anyway and deal with the fall out, or don't go. It sounds like he is insecure and unless he actually adresses that, then this is going to be an ongoing battle.
    As to the women who want to know why you want to go clubbing.... really, ladies? Just because you become a wife and mother doesn't mean you have to stop doing the things that you love to do, it just means that you have to do it in moderation. Nothing wrong with a little drinking and dancing, girls!
    Guinhyvar

    Answer by Guinhyvar at 11:32 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I don't understand why a mother of two needs to go clubbing with her friends. My husband and I are totally fine with friend time, but we do not go to bars or anything like that. He probably doesn't like it because that is seen as something that people do when they are single. As for the "head" thing. I agree with you there. If you are doing something for him that you are getting no pleasure for, then what is he doing for you? Anyway.. good luck in this situation. Maybe you guys need to learn to comprimise. Like once a week out with friends and once a week head? I don't know....exchange head for out to club with friends...whatever works for you guys.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 9:13 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • Uh....why would you, a married woman with two kids, have to go "clubbing" and show off? It sounds really immature and selfish and if you are not careful, you will be in big trouble, really. As far as the other stuff...men can be controlling if you let them. Be sure you aren't doing something he can use against you. Do the right thing and tell him you won't let him control your relationship. But if you keep wanting to go clubbing....you won't have a chance at changing him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • well sweetie i learned a long time ago you can't change people no matter how hard you try. they have to make the change themselves and it sounds like he's not ready for that yet so gl.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:20 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • I think you should ask yourself how you would feel if he wanted to go clubbing. Would you let him? In my opinion I dont think its necessary if you're in a commited relationship. You can do other things with your girlfriends and still have fun. You need to address the situation about the cuddling...thats rediculous. Let him know how you feel I hope it all works out...
    AlexxasMama

    Answer by AlexxasMama at 9:23 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • Men are naturally controlling. You can't change that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Feb. 2, 2010

  • Why is she being bashed for going clubbing? It's not necessarily my scene, but it's not like it's some horrible thing. It's having some drinks and dancing. Jesus fucking christ! Anyway, I do think you should go out clubbing every once in a while with the girls. You are grown, you can do as you please. Go out anyway and have a good time. He can only control you if you allow him to. As far as head goes, you're going to have to talk to him about that. Your body is not some machine that is used at his disposal. If you don't want to do that, he needs to grow up and realize that sometimes you get what you want, sometimes you don't!
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 12:40 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Why would you have children with a man like this?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:33 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

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