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at what point is it time to move on?

At what point would you say you're done trying to make a relationship work? My SO isnt working and doesn't seem to have any intentions of even looking for a job. (He entertains the idea but never actually does anything about it). He doesnt help around the house. He doesnt even pick up his own mess. I feel like we have nothing in common anymore. I feel like I grew up and changed A LOT since having our two kids, and he hasnt. I dont feel like he loves me. Hes great with the kids, and its obvious he loves them. But what about me? Weve been together 5 yeras. Been living together for 3, and we have 2 kids together. Ive tried talking to him but it doesnt seem to do any good. I dont feel like i'm happy,& I feel like I deserve better then what I have with him. I feel quilty even thinking about leaving, and I don't know why! I have so many dreams& goals for my life and he doesnt! I feel trapped and like im being drug down, held back!!

Answer Question
 
miss_hughes

Asked by miss_hughes at 3:40 AM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (-5 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • You need to tell your hubby what you just said here and tell him that you really want to leave him. DON'T LET ANYONE GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR DREAMS make them happen you will regret every second of your life if you don't at least try. Tell your hubby your dreams again and tell him that they are gonna happen cause your gonna make them happen. GL to you and your children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Put your children first and do what is best for them. Since your SO isn't providing income or care for them, then what are they getting from him- if they are getting a father's care, and are better off with him, then perhaps you could go your separate ways and let him have visitation.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:48 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • You do deserve better and you deserve the opportunity to be happy and follow your dreams without being dragged down by his dead weight. Your marriage should either include your personal dreams or support them. If you aren't sure whether or not you are ready to end your marriage, my suggestion is just go ahead and pursue what you want to pursue without asking permission or anything like that. Just go ahead and proceed with your own life. You don't need help pursuing your dreams - it seems maybe you feel guilty about moving forward in life and leaving him behind. That is his choice, and you are not beholden to wait on him to find motivation in his own life. Sounds like you're both in a bit of a rut... maybe things will change if you pursue your happiness.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:27 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • You have passed the time when it would have been okay for you to leave him. That would have been before you had the first baby. There really is a reason why we should pursue our dreams before we get married and start a family. There really is a reason why we should get to know whether or not the man we choose as a life partner shares those same dreams. There really is a reason why we should not have children outside of a committed marriage. Every choice that we make has consequences, some good and some bad. There is no decision of which this is more true than when we decide to make babies. This man that you have chosen to be the father of your children probably enjoys that you take care of him, and he doesn't have to work. If he's good with the children, maybe you should leave them with him and find a good job. Whatever you decide, it would be wrong of you to leave him. He is the man you chose for your children, too
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:28 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Nanny, sometimes things don't work out the way WE want them to...and we have to go with life's flow.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

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