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Very Jealous Sister in law...How to deal with this?

My Bro-in-law and his wife announced that they were pregnant with their first child when she was 5 weeks along the beginning of Dec. My hubby and I have 1 son who is 11 months old and gave birth to a stillborn baby boy the beginning of Oct. We told people in Nov. that we were casually going to start trying again and we found out we were pg around Thanksgiving- decided to wait to tell everyone until Xmas if everything went ok(we got pg unexpect. 2 weeks after stillbirth). Xmas afternoon we made our announcement and my sister in law stormed off to their bedroom(they live with his parents) and did not come down to finish xmas celebrations or say goodbye. Everyone was quiet and only one person said congrats. My SIL has barely said anything to us since then and when we confronted my BIL about it he just says he doesn't understand why she is jealous and angry when our pg is mentioned. We sent a congrats card but how do we mend this?


Asked by Mattysgal25 at 10:36 AM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Pregnancy

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Answers (8)
  • she owns her jealousy whether it's about pregnancy, attention or anything. you cannot change her or her actions only yours. let her be with her jealousy and just be careful to not try and cause any unneeded drama to the family gatherings. just let her be with hers.


    Answer by jewjewbee at 11:02 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Sounds like she wanted to be preggo by herself so she could get all the attention & presents. Saw how everybody treated you the 1st time around & wanted it all for herself. Were you guys close before this? Is it worth mending? If you wanna be preggo together you're gonna have to sit her down & explain to her that you guys didn't do this on purpose to steal her thunder. Make sure she has her own baby shower, don't combine. Talk to her about how she's feeling, by putting her feelings into words she may see how ridiculous she's being, she may continue to act this way too, don't discount the preggo hormones!

    Answer by Nyx7 at 10:43 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • First of all I am very sorry for your loss & wish you the best with your pregnancy.

    Hopefully it is just a bad case of pregnancy hormones. She may have been a little disappointed that she was going to have to share the spotlight with you, but it seems very childish...of course if she and her husbands are living with your inlaws she may be a little immature to begin with. I think you did the right thing in sending her a card. As time goes on make sure she does get some special attention too. If you get the chance tell her how excited you are for her and how neat it will be for your children so close in age to grow up together. Beyond that I don't know. You might also try talking to your MIL about this to see what she thinks. You are definitely being the bigger person here. You would think she would be happy for you, especially after your recent loss. Hopefully she will grow up and see it is not a competition. GL!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Another thought - if she is being this way now you may want to try to avoid comparing your babies much after they are born. She may see their milestones as a competition, and if your baby outshines hers that may make her mad too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • i have no idea how i would deal with a person like that. it sounds to me like she is the one who needs to come to you and apologize. but probably that isn't going to happen. tell her your feelings are hurt by the way she is acting, and that you hope that she can be happy for you. i can't believe some people are so self-absorbed to think that they are the only one "allowed" to be pregnant at a time. whether your pregnancy was planned or not, she's being ridiculous!!!

    sorry for your loss and congrats on your pregnancy =)

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I kinda have the same problem . My SIL has to use IVF to get preggo. She got really lucky and had a daughter 3 yrs ago . And has tried 3 other times to get preggo without any luck. She gets really jealous and angry when ever somebody she knows gets preggo. It is kinda of annoying bc I feel like saying to her " just bc you cant have another baby doesnt mean that none of us should . " I am not going to stop having baby's just to save her feelings . I know that she is sad about it but she needs to stop being so selfish and be happy for the other party instead of treating them like they stole her baby .

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Iw ould just ignore her. my guess is she wanted this to be her time and she is being selfish!

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 11:36 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Thanks everyone for your feedback. She has said some things behind my back that have hurt me in addition to her behavior -- things like "god willing she will probably lose the baby anyway" when others have asked her about how close our babies will be. The bottom line is she is acting ridiculously regardless of pregnancy hormones and yes-- you are right she does have quite a bit of growing up to do. I have decided that I am going to just continue to be the bigger person here and simply look beyond her ignorance and continue to be invested in my pregnancy as much as possible.

    Answer by Mattysgal25 at 12:32 PM on Feb. 3, 2010