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why does he keep stringing me along

My husband walked out on us. He says he loves me but he is angry at me for lieing to him.. He was a drug addict and I lied to him because he was mean when anything was not perfect in his eyes.. So I filed for divorce. He says he wants the divorce, calls me names, tries to hurt me any way he can...then he text me and tells me he misses me or he loves me or he wishes I were there.. I get my hopes up then he again tells me that he wants a divorce and blames me for our family not being together.. Cycle repeats monthly for the last 6 months

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Jun. 26, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • It sounds like he WANTS to love you, but he just can't get past the lies and heartbreak. Maybe it would be best to get the divorce & try to be friends. If there are kids in the picture, it would be better for them in the long run for mom & dad to be NOT together, than to be in an unhappy family. Good luck to you!
    crazysocks830

    Answer by crazysocks830 at 12:28 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • An addict's behavior doesn't necessarily change from creating confusion and chaos in a relationship even when the addict gets clean. It's clear that he's not thinking in a stable manner when he fluctuates from one extreme to the other (I love you, now divorce me). It's also possible he has a personality disorder. there is a book called I Hate You, Don't Leave Me that comes to mind for ppk dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not diagnosing your husband. I'm not qualified to do that but I'm just suggesting he might have more issues than just a past drug problem. What I would consider is what is good for you and if you have children, them? Stablity is needed in all families. It's a goal to work toward since you don't have it now. Whether you choose to divorce him or not it sounds like what you have now isn't working for you. How about a legal separation? How about counseling?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:46 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I think he doesn't want to have to pay child support. or his lawyer.Most men are like that.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 1:39 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Anything can be worked out if both people are willing to work on it. If he wants to come back he may need to do some things before you go further like join an addicts group, get counseling, be clean for a certain amount of time, etc. You don't have to let him go for things to be stable for the kids. You just have to lay ground rules and stick to them. He can't see the kids if he's acting unstable or high. At first he can only see them with you on a family outing that will be cancelled if he hasn't been treating you right. It's hard but you can do it!
    jackimci

    Answer by jackimci at 1:48 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

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