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How do you deal with inmature young adult children?

My 19 yearold twins, have had and are having kids of their own. They call me all the time crying about this or that not going the way they want. Then they ask the question what should I do. I have tried not giving advice but sometimes it's like for god sakes THINK. Then they get pissed at the answers. I thought when they graduated from high school and left home I had raised smart kids but it's like they are stupid all of the sudden. HELP!

 
americanmom70

Asked by americanmom70 at 11:57 AM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (8)
  • Sorry just read your post in the thread. I wanted to add that I would suggest telling your children that no matter what you say it is what you would have or have done and they can take it or leave it you do not care, but they need to respect what you say if they are asking for you to tell them. Let them know what they are doing is disrespectful; if a person opens themselves up and 'ask' for advice they sure don't have to take it but they can't complain about the 'free' advice they're getting when they asked. Also I wouldn't answer your phone all the time; let them sink or swim, it is odd they call so much, but it could be they just lack natural parenting skills and possibly even a little commonsense. :-)
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 2:26 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • They are still growing up so give them a break. You should be happy that they feel comfortable asking you for advice.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Ill tell you the same thing my mom told me when I asked her a similiar question when my dd got pregnant. She said "Do you remember when you were her age? God gives us kids young because we have energy not because we know it all". And shes right. I had first 3 before I was 22 yrs old. My mom gave me advice. I thought she was stupid back then. Now I give my dd the same advice, and she thinks im stupid. Theyll gain some sense with life experience.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • so when you first had kids, or were young even you never had questions or asked for help/advice?
    wahm_abbeyrose

    Answer by wahm_abbeyrose at 2:05 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I was married and going to school and knew just how to function without calling, losing control, and having a break down. So no to your answer I didn't call 1000's of miles to my parents to ask questions. Not that I didn't make mistakes but I didn't surely need to let my parents and everyone in the world know. It's not like I don't like the phone calls on how they are doing but the crying calls not just once a day but numerous times during the day and everyday. No matter what they ask advice on I am in the wrong. Even my mother says that I never acted like this.
    americanmom70

    Answer by americanmom70 at 3:15 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I never called my mom for advice, she was a cold woman and there was no reason to call her because I knew she wouldn't be helpful. TG my sons know that their dad and I are there for them and that can call us ANY time they need to talk. We can't solve their problems but they're all young yet (18, 20, 22 and 24) and we are in our 40's and have been married for 25 years and the fact iss, we DO know more than they do and we have a bit more life experience than they do. Parenting doesn't end for some of us when they move out and have families of their own. Some parents are always available to listen and offer advice, to act as a sounding board for a venting adult child and to be a shoulder for them when they need one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • BTW, I was married at 18 and had my 4 sons at 19, 20, 23 and 24. It would have been nice to have been able to turn to my mom from time to time. There are times NOW when I wish I could turn to her but she's still a cold woman who has very little compassion for even her daughter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • For some parenting comes naturally and there are no questions, however for others it's not so easy and what would be commonsense to one that picked things up naturally is a foreign concept to one who didn't. That is the best way I can explain what I've observed in many who come to me with what I sometimes have thought were 'stupid' questions and later reflected that it was only stupid to me because I never had any problem with what they are.

    Your twins may be more adept in computers, tools or some other area in life that you are not; we all deal with things differently. If you don't want to give advice then let them know to not call you asking or complaining, be blunt and honest. If you are open to helping them then be patient and open minded that there are some people that, as my friend and I have termed it, are very 'smart stupid people' who may be book smart but suffer from a commonsense deficiency.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 2:21 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

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