Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Not trying to spy on the neighbors but..

It's hard not to since they moved in a few months ago. Young single dad, 2 teens, and a dog, nice family.
My concern is I see these kids do all kinds of stuff while the dad is gone. When I let our dog out, I have seen the daughter smoking what I knew was pot because of the smell, have all kinds of friends over, getting into fights, skip school.
I am honestly not trying to be nosy and all, just see and hear things when I am out and about. Last weekend late at night while sitting on our patio I saw both kids sneak out their bedroom windows.

My question is do I just mind my own business on this? Or should Iapproach the dad? I know it would be really hard for me to tattle so to speak, but I would feel real bad if something happened to the kids. I alos think, well maybe he knows his kids are like that and then I would come off as dumb.
Anyhow what would you ladies do in this situation?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • i think Americans used to be more willing to watch over each others kids, but now most are too scared to.. I think thats actually why America will continue to grow in crime.. we must all be willing to help out & watch each others kids.. not discipline.. just keep an eye on them, to protect them from people & things that hurt kids.. " it takes a village to raise a kid".. so at least write the anonymous letter & put in in his mail box.. or just ask him if you saw something at his house that was inappropriate can you tell him without upsetting him.. you may just make a friend.

    Answer by maiahlynn at 12:56 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • i would bring over a house warming gift & try to get to know him.. then tell him your concern OR write him a anonymous letter about your concerns.. Or you could just call dcfs, but I personally would try talking to him first.. but yes tell him & maybe offer a helping hand

    Answer by maiahlynn at 12:37 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • if you know they are skipping school, call the school to nofity them the kids are doing that. the school wil investigate and contact the parents.

    Answer by sati769leigh at 12:39 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • if you aren't on decent speaking terms with him then i would just let it go. I have that kind of situation with my neighbor, not nearly as bad as yours, but i only bring things up if we are in conversation. I know its hard not to want to say something, but you might just get yourself into the middle of something that you don't want to be a part of. If he has no idea what they are doing and you say something, not thinking he might say well the neighbors told me you were, and then you are a target. It's drama you don't need. Not unless it affects you personally, don't say a word.

    Answer by xtwilightx at 12:42 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Look, it is especially difficult to be a single parent. I truly believe it is harder on fathers (because I don't find the majority of them to be as mentally strong as I find women are) Is the mother dead? On drugs? In jail?

    As a previous youth director for my church, single mother of a teenaged daughter (for most of her life), and experienced teacher of all ages. I think the very very best thing you can do is to befriend the KID....and yes the father too. But become a friend to the girl. The kids are probably going through much of her own issues...

    What I would do? The next time I see them sneaking out or doing something illegal, I would just play dumb and say, "HEY!! Where are you guys going? Is your front door broken?" They may scare or they may get nasty with you; either way, you should continue to play dumb and innocent like you have no idea what's going on. When they find you didn't tattle on them, they will respon

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 12:45 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • The bottom line is that they need a friend...the whole family probably does, especially the kids.....they don't need a tattling neighbor.

    If they don't respond to kindness and friendship and the knowledge that they are being watched, THEN I definitely would consider talking to Dad, calling the school, police etc.... But I would first try to get to know them.....

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 12:51 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I would do what the first poster said and go over when the father is home with a small house warming gift. I'd just try to establish a friendship and not to be too intrusive, but let him know you would be happy to keep an eye out on the house/kids if he would like. I wouldn't mention all the things you have seen on the first visit, but I would definitely mention seeing the one child with drugs the 2nd time I saw him ( you might mention that you have impressionable little ones who would might be exposed to this). Try to be as supportive as possible. Good luck!

    Answer by not-the-momma at 12:55 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • this is a tough one because u want to b help and not have the dad or the kids look at u as the reason the kids got caught.i would try what the previous poster suggested by calling the school.if they will not help u i would try the 'want to get to know u approach' of being neighborly and bring a cake and talk to the dad out of the kids hearing range. u probably dont want them to know u brought it to the dads attention as u dont want any trouble yourself with the kids. if he is ignoring what they r doing he needs a wakeup call. if he doesnt know he needs to pay more attention to their activities. its tough to b a single parent but that doesnt gv him a free poass to ignore the behavior of his children. maybe u could get another neighbor who has seen them do thsi and approach him together. it may help him realize u r trying to be helpful. remember to stay calm and say only what u hv seen yourself. good luck

    Answer by emily1234 at 1:03 PM on Feb. 3, 2010