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why do some moms think it is ok to let an INFANT "cry it out"??

my daughter is 9 months old and not once have i let her cry it out and trust me she has been fine. just today i received news that the brother of my sister-in-laws friend let his 5 month old baby cry it out.the babys parents had just fed her a 2 oz. jar of baby food and the baby apparently would not stop crying. so they took her upstairs to her room left her laying in the crib to cry it out and put herself to sleep. 30 minutes later they walked upstairs to check on her, and the baby was no longer breathing and had passed away. she threw up her baby food and choked up ofcourse bcuz she had been crying so long and yes, choked with food stuck in her throat. my heart is with this family ofcourse because no one deserves to lose a child. just please dont let this happen to your infant and understand that this is an infant who should never have to cry it out no matter how fed up you are...


Asked by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Because this society is obsessed with making infants independent and people tend to try to fit the baby to their schedule rather than understanding that babies are by nature dependent creatures and YOU must do the adapting. People think babies don't "need" to be held and don't understand that crying is their only communication tool and that need is as essential to them as food and water.

    This tragedy is another reason I think it is a stupid idea to feed babies purees before they can sit up unassisted or even roll over for that matter and I wish doctors would stop recommending it. Though even without food it would have been a choking hazard anyway if it was formula or breastmilk that was spit up.

    When a baby cries there is always something they need or something wrong that just needs to be discovered. They don't cry for no reason.

    Answer by amileegirl at 1:41 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Letting a baby cry it out and locking them in a room by themselves (for 30 minutes at that!) are two different things. I can sit right next to my kid, stare him in the face and still let him CIO.

    Sorry about the loss. ((HUGS))


    Answer by LyTe684 at 1:18 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • wow thats sad .Sometimes you have to let the baby cry and try to calm themselves but not at that age, 5 months is too young.

    Answer by symle456 at 1:20 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I was always in view of my son when he CIO.Nothing I did would soothe him,and we and the doc were at a loss to figure why. We found out later it was probably the beginning of his autism.He would cry for a few minutes and then fall asleep.It only happened a few times.He still,at 8,has sleep issues.Sorry to hear about that little baby. :(

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 1:20 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • That is revolting. Those parents should go to jail for neglect. That is feeding a baby a food, the baby has a bad REACTION to the food and then not knowing how to handle it so they just left the baby in their room screaming. If they'd checked on the baby sooner they may have been able to do CPR.

    I feel bad for them, but they were being neglectful and a baby paid the price with their life.

    Btw, it does not take very long for a 4 month old to choke like that. About a minute is all it would take for them to stop fighting the choke and black out - death not far away. And - choking is silent. Hence why I believe babywearing your baby and keeping them close to you in the day and night, NOT doing CIO, and not introducing food til 6 months (or until a child can self-feed and sit up unassisted) is far superior and safer parenting.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I understand you being upset about this. But crying it out is not what happened here. This is a case of neglect. There is nothing wrong with letting a child cry for a short time if needed. CIO is usually around bed time when baby is over timed or is fighting sleep. CIO is after you check the baby to make sure nothing else is wrong. There's also typically a difference in cry. Most mom's know when their child is fussy vs. "something is wrong!" I guess the flip side is, if a parent is stressed out because of all the crying, is it really better to have that parent potentional attack or damange the child out of stress or set the child somewhere safe and take a 5 minute break to cool off and relax?

    I'm sorry for the loss, but please put blame where it belongs, on the parents.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • That is rediculous. There is absolutely no reason for that at all. I have two children myself and I totally disagree with the CIO method but I also agree with the other mothers, that this is a case of neglect...NOT just CIO. Every mother I see that lets their child CIO has been in view of thier child. When stuff like this happens to babies, it makes me sick to my stomach. While I am sorry for their loss, I believe the parents of that child should have to pay for their actions. Yes, they have already paid by losing their child but if they left their child to suffer alone because they didn't want to hear her cry...then they obviously didn't care enough about the child to begin with. WHO DOES THAT?? Two words...COMMON SENSE. I apologize if I have angered anyone by what I've said...I get so emotional when children are hurt/die....but I still stand by my opinion.

    Answer by MilMom04 at 3:24 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • That is very extreme, I'm sure it is a rare, rare case. Here's the thing: Infants cry it out all the time! Think about the infants in ICU wards, orphanages, or multiples. These babies do not have the benefit of being held 24/7 and guess what? They are left to cry and they live! If crying killed a baby, many would not survive trust me.

    Answer by danielp at 3:31 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • danielp and infants in orphanages and ICU's that are left to cry too often develop severe attachment disorders.. Even infants in multiple families can develop attachment disorders if there is not enough attention and affection placed on the infants.

    I read recently one of the sextuplet couples who were on a TV programme on DH have a child with an attachment disorder because they laid them with their bottles and rarely picked them up. Some children are more susceptible to attachment disorders.

    They might be alive but quality of life is certainly an issue. CIO on purpose and on a regular basis is just plain wrong and is proven to destroy bonds and affect development. Babies not given ANY affection often die. It is one of the causes of failure to thrive and death.

    It is not rare for babies to die in this country before their first birthday. We have the worst infant mortality rate in the industrialized world.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • This is why I at least had to check my daughter every 2-3 minutes when I wanted her to learn how to fall asleep. I had a list in my head of a million things that could happen to her. This is so sad. There is just no way to know if a cry is because of an emergency or not. I am sure the parents are beside themselves with grief and guilt. It is really heartbreaking and a good reminder that our babies are fragile and we do need to remember that they rely on us for everything for a long time.

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:30 PM on Feb. 3, 2010