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Is it a phase that my daughter is going through?

My daughter is 9 years old and I feel as though I don't know her right now because we don't have conversation as much, and I realize its summer and she wants to be outside, but we use to have "girls night" where we would be lazy and comfortable and watch our favorite movies and giggle and talk. It seems we just don't do that anymore and I worry I've done something wrong or she just doesn't want to spend time with me like she did before. I just want to know if this is a phase, or if I should be concerned or if I'm doing something to make her not want to spend time with me. She tells me that I've done nothing wrong, so what I do I do? Is it a phase?

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tedabear

Asked by tedabear at 12:28 AM on Jun. 26, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (12)
  • She is probally starting puberty? or is just at that age where she is developing independance from you. It is nice outside so maybe she really does want to be out with friends. Hope for a rainy day together in the summer and just keep being honest and open with her. The hardest thing to do with kids is let them grow up, and let them go.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 12:47 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Sounds like she's just growing up mom! Sorry luv. Soon she will be getting her period and finding boyfriends. Be prepared, and keep an eye on her for more changes of puberty. Keep talking to her, and make sure she knows that you are always there to fall back on.
    sapient

    Answer by sapient at 12:50 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • My daughter is going through the same thing(also 9 years old) It started this school year when she didnt want me to kiss her goodbye at the bus stop. It hurts, but I suppose that is what growing up is all about. And we moms have to learn how to "let go" I look at it like she is a finicky cat. Sometimes she will come around for some love, but most times they want to be left alone to soak up the sun. So the times she reaches out to talk or cuddle, I take advantage!!! And the other times...... I just tell myself that it is practice for when they do leave the nest!
    notsoaveragemom

    Answer by notsoaveragemom at 6:24 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • How about "growing up" the girls night. Take her to get a pedicure or manicure. Or even take her for coffee! (and yes let her have real coffee if she wants to) Good luck.
    mrschrono

    Answer by mrschrono at 7:54 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • SHE IS JUST GROWING UP.MY LITTLE GIRL IS THE SAME WAY TOO.THAT IS WHY AS MOTHERS WE HAVE TO CHERISH THE MOMENTS THAT WE HAVE WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY GROW UP SO FAST.BUT I GUESS WE JUST HAVE TO REALIZE THAT THEY WILL BE SOON LITTLE LADY'S
    godsaves

    Answer by godsaves at 10:06 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • She is growing up! BUT that doesn't mean you should stop having the one on one time with her. This you have to keep doing. Just talk to her. Find ways to connect. You need to ensure that you keep an open and honest relationship with her. The next years to come are the hardest for that, but keep at it. Just always remember that you are her MOM, not her friend.
    Fawn80

    Answer by Fawn80 at 10:58 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • It's probably just a phase she's going through, she's starting to feel more and more independent, like she doesn't need mommy. But she'll always need you! Keep offering to do stuff with her whenever you can, and she will probably be interested eventually. Maybe try to think of another activity you two can do together that will make her feel more mature. Go get manicures and pedicures together, or go out to dinner. Ask her what's she's interested in and what she'd like to do. It sounds like you're a great mom and you two will be best friends when she's older!
    Ryanswife06

    Answer by Ryanswife06 at 10:59 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I don't think you should give up the girls night out either. It's too important. She also needs to know that family time is more important at this age than all the other. One night a week or every other week is not asking for a lot. Like others have said try new things now. They love going shopping. Sometimes if they're sporty hiking is great. Taking walks is great. Ask her questions with specific answers not "no, yes" to get dialogue going.
    jackimci

    Answer by jackimci at 11:47 AM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Thank you all very much for all of your answers. I do believe that being a Mom comes first above all else. She'll have plenty of friends and I'm her Mom first, her friend second. I will try to keep connecting with her, but it does get tough because other daily tasks or unplanned situations develop that take over the fun. I always want her to explore herself and her creativity. We use to scrapbook together a lot and I think it may help if we did some of that again. Or even going to a salon. I don't care what we're doing as long as she's happy and comfortable doing whatever it is she wants to do.
    tedabear

    Answer by tedabear at 5:38 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • My daughter is 12 and in puberty. She wants to spend her time texting and playing with her friends...until I have something to do, then she gets mad because she wants to spend time with me. Just keep the lines of communication open and most of all get prepared for the next few years. Attitude, mouth, and disobeying. It's all a part of the circle of life (in this case puberty) but she needs to know you are the boss. Pick your battles. I am finding that helps...along with taking away the cell phone and laptop. Hang in there. It's not easy but it's worth it!!
    awaysL8

    Answer by awaysL8 at 6:25 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

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