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how do you deal with a stepdad vs your child?

I remarried when my son was 4 and they got along really well for the first few years. Now we have 2 more children(3 total) and i feel like my husband treats my son differently, how do i get him to realize that?

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thecuteness22

Asked by thecuteness22 at 2:01 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Sit down and have a heart to heart with him.
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 2:06 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Okay thi sis so wrong in so many levels I can't even begin to address. Tell him he knew you came in a package combo, you and your first child and he accepted those terms. Your husband needs to e a father for all of our children or he deserves none, period. You don't stop loving a nd caring for a child just because you got two more with the same woman. You and your three children are a family to him or he has no family at all. His choice. Don't put up with that crap. Stand up for all of your children regardless of who the father is.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 2:07 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Im dealing with the same thing. My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years and he loves my kids to death to question asked...but as the years went on he slowly pulled himself away...but I know that he loves them with all his heart...we just had our own child 2 months ago and you can see that he treats this one much different only because it is his own...I also come from a home with a step parent and my step dad always treated my step siblings different than me. I mean he has always helped me with things but gives more to his daughter and son than me. But I know that he loves me and I know that my husband loves my kids....I would just talk to him and say hey Ive been noticing lately...blah blah blah....I dont think he loves your kids any less then what he did when you started dating!! I wish you the best!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • If you notice this then your son definitely notices it too, kids pick up on everything. For his sake, please say something to your DH. He may not even realize he is doing this but he needs to consider all of these kids his children, biological or step shouldn't matter. Although your son may not have his blood he is being raised by your DH and that is a legacy greater than any bloodline or biological heritage. Your son is learning how to be a man from the example set by your DH, it is an awesome responsibility and gift to be able to shape and mold any life in that way, whether or not it is your biological child. Remind your husband of this and the importance of his role and offer him support or a listening ear if he wants to talk about any of his concerns. Maybe he can carve out some one on one time with your son to build up their bond a bit more. This is too important to ignore. Good luck!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:28 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • does he treat him different then before you had the kids?

    i am a SM. because BM has changed how much we see the kids, i treat them differently than i do my own daughter. they aren't here enough and they have their own mother, so i am not allowed to treat them as my own like i use to be able to. it is ahard situation to be in, but i think it is somewhat natural if to treat your own kids different than kids that aren't yours. I agree that it should be talked about.....and there are possibilities that he could make some changes, but depending on the involvement of your son's father....it may be hard. i am not saying he doesn't love him....but there is a difference.


    i dont think i said that as well as i could....i hope you understood what i was trying to say. try looking at it from his point of view that may help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • OMGosh, if I didn't know better, I would have sworn I was the one asking that question. I too got married when my son was 4 and had 2 more for a total of 3. My husband and son are always butting heads and it drives me NUTS! I think some of it is age and the other part is my son will never have the bond with my DH as the other two have since he came into the picture later. My husband, at times, is harder on him too. I'm not sure why either. He's given me his reason, but it's not good enough. Honestly, I've had to talk to him about it many times, as I've also had to have the discussion with my son as well. It's hard, I know. I'm hoping one day it will all smooth out. In the mean time, I'm going to have to keep pulling them aside and let them know how it makes me feel and I don't deserve the extra stress. . More about me

    TheresaCook

    Answer by TheresaCook at 9:38 PM on Feb. 9, 2010

  • Sounds like the typical blended family. Who dont you do some special things with your son only. dont let him feel left out.
    Esmrlda

    Answer by Esmrlda at 7:10 PM on Aug. 31, 2010

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