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Should my child be retained?

We adopted our beautiful 7 year old son last May, so he's been with us 9 months. It was a domestic adoption and he came directly to us from his "first parents." He was a victim of neglect and was very malnourished when he came to us. He had also been "homeschooled" for most of his K and 1st grade, so he didn't have much interaction with kids his own age. He is in the 2nd grade at my school where I teach, and he is a different child since August. He is confident, happy, and is passing or exceeding in all subjects. However, he still is socially "immature" and acts like a 1st grader. His teacher is concerned about this and has mentioned retaining him. I feel it would do more damage than good to hold him back because he's less mature.
What are your thoughts?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (13)
  • I think that he should keep going on. If he is doing well with the education part of it then its fine. There are many kids that are not mature. Let him be a kid! Thats just how they are. He will learn to be more social. It took my cousins time. They were home schooled until they were starting high school. And they did fine. It took some time but holding him back will not help. It will make him feel like he is not good enough to move up with the other kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • it is much easier to hold him back now then to have to deal with it as he gets older.

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 2:52 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Homeschooling provides the best education possible. It is not "normal" for human children to be socialized by groups of other children their same age. What's normal is for children to be socialized by people of all ages, mostly adults. Since you are a teacher it would be a wonderful experience for you and him to share homeschooling.

    I homeschooled my 3 sons. I was a single mother and it wasn't easy. I made a lot of personal sacrifices. My children are now adults and they all very much appreciate that they were homeschooled.

    My youngest son was born premature, had developmental delays, and has an IQ of 80. He is 21 and just started college. He got a 95% on his first biology test. He couldn't read until he was 12. Can you imagine the problems he would have had in public school.

    Answer by Gailll at 2:55 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Talk to other educators before deciding. Most schools are leaning against retention especially for social reasons. It tends to be more damaging socially than beneficial. Discuss with the school if there are other ways to help your child develop these social skills.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:55 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I agree with the first poster. The reason we send our children to school is for an education. If his education matches those of his classmates then there is no reason to hold him back. I thought school's were against holding children back because it's not good for their self-esteem.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • how is one a single mom and homeschools? What did you do for an income?

    not bashing, just wondering?

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 3:10 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I would not I would think it would be better for him to stay with children his own age.

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 3:13 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • My daughter & nephew are 4 months apart and they are 9. Since he has a late birthday he is a grade below her. They are like night & day. My daughter is sooo much more mature than he is but my parenting is very different than my sisters. My daughter is my 4th child (out of 6) and he is my sisters first & oldest. Not saying that I a better parent we just have different views. I let my daughter do alot more, she is outside more, involved in more activities, goes to friends houses, etc... Kids learn social skills everywhere not just at school and that is the whole point - they are social skills they learn them thru all kinds of interaction. Get him involved in sports or something he likes outside of school. Have him invite friends over. Encourage him to play outside with kids in the neighborhood. The more he is interduced to will allow him to open up more, he just needs a chance to experience more not be held back :)

    Answer by paiges6 at 5:09 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • No, he should only be retained if he didn't learn the subject material, which is sounds like he did. Pass him on to the next grade so he can stay with his age group.

    Answer by Pnukey at 10:22 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I would definately NOT retain him. He needs to continue on to the next grade. I would maybe get him involved in some extra curriculars though to help him "catch up" in the social areas. There is still a lot of time between now and august. i definately would never hold him back. it sounds like he has been through A LOT. and if he is making such progress....he needs to be encouraged. If he likes sports get him into that or there are other sorts of activities you could find....maybe 4-H or something...or programs at the library.

    Good luck! It sounds like you guys are really helping the boy a lot.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 11:05 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

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