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When and if do you tell your child that they had a sibling that passed

before they were born? We lost a daughter(stillborn) 3 years before my baby was born. Do we tell her? and if so at what age?

Answer Question

Asked by chefronswife at 4:15 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,045 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • umm i see no point at all,maybie if she was a teen in health class i would but i see no other reason why

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 4:42 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I would say dont make a big deal out of telling your daughter unless she is older (teenage) and the topic is brought up somehow.

    Answer by jenellemarie at 4:45 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • OP: i agree with you guys - my DH on the other hand thinks that she should know. I think if I were a kid and my parents told me about it I would get totally creeped out.

    Answer by chefronswife at 4:54 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • We lost our 2nd son shortly after birth. My oldest was not really old enough to remember but his brother has always been part of this family. Just because he died doesn't mean he didn't exist. We have a picture of him on the wall, same as the others. He is listed in our family bible. They have been with me many times when someone asks how many kids do you have and I answer including my son no longer with us. I can't imagine doing it another way. If J.A. had been born first I think his picture would still be up and as the others were born and grew you just start talking about it early so it is just a part of their life. That is their is theirs to know in my opinion.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:55 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • This question really had me wondering. I messaged both of my sons and asked them. "What would your response be if you had not grown up knowing about J.A. and were told or found out say in your teens?" My oldest responded "Mom, i don't know what brought thisa up but if I suddenly found out I had a bother I never knew about as a teen. I would have been royally pissed off at you and Dad" My youngest responded " Mom that is totally F'd up why would you even think about that. Is there someone other than J. that we don't know about?" I had to call him and explain why I asked. At least for my family we made the right choice for us.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:49 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • My parents had a daughter after me. I was about two when she passed and have no memory of her at all. They then went on to have my brother. I don't remember a time that I did not know that I had a sister that was no longer with us. We put flowers on her grave every year on her birthday when I was younger. I never thought about it either way until I got pregnant with my first. I went and asked my mom all the details that I never really thought about before. What happened? What was the reason she passed? Did you know before she was born that something was wrong? It ended up being a heart defect and since I had this in my genetics I was seen by a specialist around 5 month pregnant to make sure my baby was ok. I don't see why you would not tell them. The baby is and will forever be part of your family.

    Answer by Carajust at 9:09 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

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