Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

ANYONE...

ANYONE ON HERE RASING A CHILD ALONE EVEN THOUGH THE FATHER SLIVES WITH YOU, DOESN'T WORK, BUT ISN'T THERE VERY MUCH FOR HIS CHILD. ANYONE DOING IT ALL EVEN THOUGH THERES IS SOMEONE THERE, BUT THEY WON'T HELP? TELL ME YOUR STORY, HOW YOU FEEL? ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT GETTING OUT OF IT? I'M 19, ENGAGED, WITH A 2 MONTH...I LOVE MY DAUGHTER I DON'T MIND DOING EVERYTHING FOR HER, BUT I WOULD LOVE SOME HELP AND SO AFFECTION. AM I WRONG?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • How do you live if he doesn't work? Do you live with his parents? This is not a healthy example for your child. Her dad needs to grow up and not be a bum all his life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • just move home if you can. get schooling or a good job. better yourself (not saying you arent good) but be everything you can be. and ditch him. believe me. like you said... you are already doing it on your own... so just go and do it all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • No, we all three live on our own. He's looking for a job, but still while he isn't working he should spend time with the baby. I've done everything since she was born even though first couple days was hard getting up and down with a c-section incision. I wouldn't even take pain pills because I was breastfeeding.(only got to do it the first month :( ) Anyways I am so in love with my daughter, shes the magic in my life. But what do I do I need a little break, not from her... I just want a break so I can maybe just enjoy a bath instead of rushing through. Anyone have something like my situation happen... What did you do. I'M THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS. Please no bashing, i'm here in search for maybe a way to make it better or to find out what I can or should do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • My husband's worked among other things while I raised each and combined out three kids myself. It is very very hard. Make sure you go to free happenings at different public libraries, bookstores. All free FREE with different activities for moms of little ones and toddlers too and preschoolers and older.

    Plus Displaced Homemakers group in different cities gives support to moms in hard home times.

    Don't let yourself suffer alone without him there leaving you or with him in the house.

    How you want your baby to be treated by a boy, man treat yourself and care for yourself first and baby next. Baby needs YOU.

    For some time I tell my husband that he can support me as a partner and mother and see kids easily and me or he can see kids in hardship living apart from each other. He's chosen to partner well. But it's been hard till I could do that.

    No one told me I had a choice. Do you have church support or family support?
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 5:01 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • anon at 5:01 here. do not marry him. not now anyway. i married my bf bc i got pregnant and we were much older than you. he 26, me 25. and it is tough. we love eachother and we are trying to make it work. i stay home with the babies and he works. even though i finished college and have a bachelors degree.. i feel unaccomplished, and have no sense of confindence or independence. good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Tell partner firmly each time it's discussed firmly w/o tears who he'll straight away write you off as emotional that like he needs a break from whatever, you do too.

    If he refuses to allow you that for any reason continuously it's not relationship that's good for even a baby to be in and to feel the voume of hate in voices around her.

    Advocate for yourself your baby then partner.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 5:04 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Maybe you should break off the engagement. I know this is hard, but you can't break off the baby or the responsibilities that come with it. Give yourself some space from him. Another thing, tell your fiance that you need a break. Hand him the baby, a bottle, diapers, wipes and an outfit. Then you walk out. Take your cell phone because he made need you, but just get out.
    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 5:19 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I have been in your situation. My husband wasn't working when we had my daughter and didn't really rush. While home he really didn't do anything with her or help out. What you need to do is be completely honest with your fiance. He doesn't sound like a dead beat, he sounds like he's so busy trying to find work that he isn't sure how to make the time to help that you need.and may not know how to help. It's best if you just let him know. It took him two months to figure out how to even ask how I needed help. I had to tell him that I needed help, wanted help, and how to help. I let him know she needed that quality time with him and after a few days he started trying. My daughter is almost a year now and they are almost inseparable when he is home. He did eventually find a job and now I don't have to ask him to help, he offers. Just be honest with him. If he put an effort in after that, I'd leave. Your child needs a dad! GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:09 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • If he doesn't* put in an effort. Sorry, I miss typed and meant that, not if he does seem to put in an effort. Now that wouldn't make sense! LOL :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Its a form of abuse what he is doing to you, ask yourself how long can i put up with this? your child and you deserve so much more.
    niceandspice

    Answer by niceandspice at 6:38 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN