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do any of you have an in-law religion conflict?

My husband converted to the Catholic faith and now his family really has nothing to do with us. I am torn down to the point I don't even want to make half the effort to be friendly or have her in our lives. Should I keep trying or tell her the ball is in her court when she is ready to accept her son's choice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:21 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (10)
  • You can't change somebody's mind when they are so stuck in intolerance like that. You have to find a way to make it non-issue. Hopefully, your in-laws will see the value of being grandparents and get beyond it. Then you just avoid religious conversation moving forward.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 7:29 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • im a satanist and my in-laws are southern baptist..they just dont talk to me much, they try to be friendly so they can see their grandkid.

    necro1134

    Answer by necro1134 at 7:37 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • You just stick to your relgious choice and more than likely your inlaws will come around. A family does not have to all have the same religion. Gosh your inlaws would have a hissy with my family tree, we have Pagan, Baptist, Catholic, Jewish and Buddhist. You just be happy with you and your DH and everything else will fall into place.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 7:53 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Nope. I just got the "what made you decide your beliefs" question and that was all. They're completely cool with it. Heck, even my sister's in-laws are accepting of it.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 8:09 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Yes we have this same problem. I would not let this come between you and your husband, let him deal with his family. Be corgile and polite while you are around them. You don't have to be friends with everyone in your family but you can be polite and leave it at that.  If you get angry or resentful and it becomes a power struggle of you against them and its not worth it.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:16 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • We have the same issue. We are LDS, my FIL is Catholic, MIL is church of christ, they don't consider us Christian and have made it clear they think not only are we going to hell, but we are dragging our daughter with us. Neither of them are really active in their faith, but we are, and that seems to bug them as well. All you can really do though is set an example for them and hope that they realize it isn't their decision to make!
    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 10:10 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • We're Jehovahs witnesses and I have family that wont speak to me anymore. They tried to do an "intervention" for my sister who is also a jw, to try and get her to go back to being Catholic, but as far as my in laws, they're catholic, they're wonderful and are very respectful of my beliefs. I love those people.
    proudmomma777

    Answer by proudmomma777 at 10:17 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I have more 'cultural differences' with my ILs than religious differences... though we aren't the same religion. Some of the expectations they have of dh are things that we are not willing to do (they wanted him to miss the birth of one of our kids to attend a wedding in India, for instance.) I can't say I like them but I have just found it easiest to be polite and friendly but recognize that our cultural differences will probably continue to make it hard for the ILs to relate to me. I don't want to be the one who cuts off contact because the kids have the right to get to know their grandparents. I invite them to everything pertaining to the kids and feel I've done my part. Their other DIL is the same race/religion/nationality as them and they are obviously way more comfortable with her. I can live with that- it does make me worry that when BIL and SIL have kids there will be noticeable preferential treatment.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 11:22 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I am sorry for this happening to you. I will pray for God to send you guidance and some patience and understanding as well :) No I do not have a religious conflict, and hope it never comes to that. May God guide you through this situation sister :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • I would just make sure they know that you are both there, arms open, whenever they are ready to accept you. Let them know the ball is in their court, as you said, and make sure you just do what you feel is appropriate on your side in terms of making sure they know that you're trying to keep the contact open, whether that be a letter every so often letting them know how things are going or just a Christmas card - just so make the point that you're not turning your back on them.

    My in laws can't stand that I'm not as fundamentalist as they are - I know they feel I'm a negative influence on my husband's spirituality (and on his soul's salvation) and that its my fault he's more liberal minded now. They can't stand that I'm not submissive enough - though I do feel that I am. They hate that I expect him to discuss decisions with me instead of letting him make them without including me, even if the final decision IS his to make...
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 1:01 PM on Feb. 4, 2010

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