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Wondering about my abilities to parent.

My eldest daugther, now in college and doing great is not the problem. Her two brothers, one in high school and the other in elementary school are. Ages 16 and 6. My sons do not hear me unless I scream at them. They don't seem to ever engage me unless I talk to them first.

My little one loves to watch tv and runs around the house playing with his toys. Everything becomes a shooting apparatus, toothbrush, pencil, hanger. But when it comes time to doing his homework, you'd think I was beating the child. He falls to the floor and start hollering. I give him plenty of advance countdowns but that still doesn't work. My eldest, loves his laptop and WII games which I've limited to only the weekend. I'm wondering if I've lost my parenting skills cause it seems like all I ever do is scream at them and when I try to actually have a conversation with them it's painful. The first was ok, these two are giving me a complex.

Answer Question
 
babette67

Asked by babette67 at 8:16 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • My teenagers were the same way. I don't know about the 6 year old though. Since they don't listen unless you scream, I wonder if you can make yourself stop screaming and speak in a lowered voice. When they miss some treats because they couldn't be bothered to listen to you, then maybe they'll start listening. Good luck!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:21 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • it sounds like they need a sit down. do you do things differently with them than with your daughter? i would take away the wii, the tv, the labtop, etc until they can actually learn to behave. and i always do homework as soon as they get home. for six though, running around and playing with everything like that sounds relatively normal to me. i mean i would work on not running in the house and such, but yeah. and i would make consistent consequences that don't involve you yelling. they may react better if you stop yelling at all. and the older one, he is old enough to understand that you have feelings too. explaining to him that you feel underappreciated and that he is hurting you, may help him understand that you are a person - not just his mom. good luck! it will be okay
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:29 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • stop the screaming. It is time to change your way of parenting. The teenager when he come home from school, don't ask how school was. Ask, did the school burn down today? and see his face it will light up and he may smile. Tell him short stories that might interest him.( movies, books, TV shows, girls) Teens do want their parents around to talk too. They just do not want them in their face.
    The little one as soon as he get home from school give him a snack and get started with the home work. He has no time to start a game or watch T.V.
    Good Luck
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 8:41 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Teenagers are snarly, hormonal monsters! Give him a little space, if possible. Let him do chores, and as a reward, let him use his Wii and laptop on a limited basis during the week.

    The six year old needs firm and consistent boundaries. Tell him what time you will be doing homework together each night. It's not an option. Allow plenty of time to get it done.

    Being a mother is hard work.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Bmat, that is exactly what I do with my kids. My 4 yr old cries when things get too loud so I started talking normally and my kids learned real fast that if they are loud they may miss something. When I quieted down and taught the kids that there are better ways to communicate then screaming they learned to talk quietly too. And for my 5 and 7 y/o boys I take the stuff they use (toys) away until they behave. Good luck!
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:39 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

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