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daughter wants to marry someone we don't want her to.

they have been together 2 years.He hasn't had a job the whole time a side from flea markets here and there.We feel he used her in a way because she was in high school and he became friends with some of her friends.He didn't attend high school because of an illness and still doesn't have GED.Last january 2008 he had sex with a girl he met through daughter .this girl called my daughter 1 week before christmas this year to tell her this and when she called boyfriend he fessed up.he said he would take everything back if he could .He
asked her to marry him and they will wait for 3 years to marry when she is finished with college. I don't see a future with him.1. no job. 2. cheated 3. lied why doesn't see see this and say bye have a nice life.She says they are starting fresh and she is fine with it. If my husband or her brothers knew they would go crazy as they are not too keen on him now.
Any ideas?


asked her to marry

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (16)
  • Pray,pray & pray
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • unfortunately, you don't really have control over it.
    once she's of "legal age", there's nothing you can do.

    let her grow up and make her own decisions. no mother likes to see their baby make a mistake, but sometimes they need to learn the tough way. all you can do is talk to her, and tell her how you feel. ultimately though, it could ruin a good relationship, AND, she probably won't even listen to your advice anyway.

    let her grow up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I am sorry this is happening. Now that she's legally an adult, you can't really do anything about it. I can only advise you to just love her and let her know that if she needs emotional support, you're there for her. I will keep your daughter and all your family in my prayers,Hon.
    Robsmommy

    Answer by Robsmommy at 9:06 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • i agree with everyone else, she's old enough to do it without your consent, and arguing with her about it will probably only cause problems between you two. don't risk your relationship when you can't stop it anyhow :)
    wahm_abbeyrose

    Answer by wahm_abbeyrose at 9:08 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • All I can say is be very straight forward, be honest but try hard not to make it about your opinion of him. I love my husband but I do understand why my mom didn't want us to get married. She loved him when we were dating but was awestruck when I announced our engagement. At the time all I heard was her being judgmental with her nose in the air. We have struggled the entire time we have been married, I have had to sacrifice a great deal. We were older and I had my degree but we should have waited. Decisions I've made as a married woman supporting her family would not have been ones I made as a single woman with my own best interest. If I could have seen through my moms tone I may have waited. My husband got sick and I have been taking care of everything almost on my own. I assumed he would get better and return to normal but didn't happen. Level with her woman to woman not mom to young daughter.
    1st_LadyD

    Answer by 1st_LadyD at 9:09 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Sorry to hear that but like person said before me. They are going to do their own thing no matter what. The only thing that u can go is be there for her. You live and you learn. some people cant be told they have to find out on their own. Just be there for her. It is the best thing u can do. and what ever u do, when something does go wrong between them ( I know it will she has 3 years to see it) dont tell her "I told u so" be her shoulder to cry on and help her move on. My sister was like that and she will someday see the light and wake up and see how he really is. In the meantime you could talk to some friends of yours who might have single handsome sons and invite them all over when she is home without the loser. Good luck.
    griffinbb4

    Answer by griffinbb4 at 9:10 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I'd point out the obvious and apply it to real life. What if the cheating happens again? What if he never gets a job, who will pay for things because you guys aren't footing the bill? I would say you love her but realize she's going to do what she's going to do despite your gut feeling he's not right and she could do so much better. Then hope they stick out the three years of engagement because he'll surely show his true colors again and when he does, YOU be there to point it out and ask her if she'd like a lifetime of his crap? Really, good luck.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:58 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • She's an adult and aanything you say doesn't maatter and how you feel doesn't matter. You don't have to like him. She can forgive whomever she chooses. Sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I'm sorry but she's an adult and she's not going to care what you say. She'll probably end up marrying him and regret it later. Just be there for her when it happens. Let her live her life and make her own mistakes. Maybe they won't even make it the three years. I strongly suggest you lay off and leave it alone, and let her handle her own relationships. The more you intervene and disapprove the more animocity and resentments will form, and the more likely she is to do it anyway. I would really lay off. I've seen this enough times to know what happens. Good luck.
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 10:11 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • She is a grown up, obviously if she knows he's cheated, she's dealing with it obviously. It's not your place to decide if they will make it either. The people who said my hubby and I wouldnt be here today are either miserably married, or divorced themselves.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

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