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How can I bring up not having enough sex to my husband?

My husband used to be all over me. I would tell him no all the time. But he always wanted it. Now I'm begging for it. We have sex maybe three times a week and I'm 23 years old!!! That's not normal. I don't want to make him have sex with me if he doesn't want to. But thats just it...I don't know if it's me or him. I mean I am 5'7" and 115lbs. I'm tall , thin, have muscle, blonde, and I think I'm a descent looking person. I don't think there is someone else but of course I could be wrong. I just don't no what to say or do about this??? I don't want to sound stupid and I don't want to beg!!! What would make a 23 year old man NOT want to have sex!!! I need to talk to him about it but don't know how. I just need to know what the problem is!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • What are his work hours, have people been let off meaning job cuts? How are your bills, every one's health? Are you trying for a baby that maybe he's not ready for?

    Maybe try quiet dinners at home as a starter. If he sees that there's no pressure maybe he'll loosen up. If he's hiding computer or cell or on them late at night something could be up.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 9:56 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • You could make him with a good dinner in a sexy outfit...if you have a camera with a self timer on it you could surprise him with some naughty pictures...ooh or when he is taking a shower you could join him and see if things go from there.
    Good luck!
    Domzmom2005

    Answer by Domzmom2005 at 10:01 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • try sitting down and talking calmly and asking whats wrong.
    it might not be what you think. me and my husband only have sex maybe 3 times a week. he also has a bad abck problem and works kinds funky hrs right now..i hope that wwill change..
    sandraberke

    Answer by sandraberke at 10:02 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Well he did just get back from Iraq. But his work scedual is fine and he is completly health and we have enough money. Everything seems to be fine with him except the part where he keeps saying he is tired. When he is not or making stupid excuses. And we have a kid so naughty kitchen photos are out. And so is day time sex unless our kid is takin a nap. It just feels like it's me but I don't know why.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • ummmmm..... maybe he has a porn obsession and gets off to that and his sex drive isn't enuf to sustain the porn and you... dunno... this happens though... a lot more than ppl think
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Just buck up and ask him what's going on. Maybe all the times you said no has had an effect on him too. Maybe he is wary of being turned down over and over again. There are a lot of medical reasons that his libido is down. Was his trip to Iraq an uneventful one, or was there any traumatic events.
    tishalb

    Answer by tishalb at 10:13 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • well there ya go. he just got back from iraq. you know how werid thigns are over there.
    when my hubby got back from his tour overseas i thought it was gonna be sex all the time. ya ya ya! but no it didnt work like that. one it takes a looooong time to adjust to the time. and two depending on what he went threw over there could effect him. just be patient and understanding and dont push it.
    sandraberke

    Answer by sandraberke at 10:17 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • Wake him up with a bj. That should get the party started. No begging involved unless it's him begging you not to stop!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:33 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • sometimes when you say no too much, they give up trying to have sex because of the rejection....so maybe say yes from now on, no matter how inconvinient it may be to you, or how much you may not be in the mood. After sex, flood him with ego boosters to get his confidence up!
    Initiate sex, because men don't really say no! lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • I ALWAYS initiate sex, always. Just the way it is in my house. My husband used to say no all the time, like, we would have sex once a month. I was 19 and he was 21, no excuse for that! Turns out, he's just super shy and I had to be confident and take-charge and that's what turns him on. If you ASK for sex, or if you initiate like you are expecting failure it's kind of a turn off to some guys. Act like the hot, totally sexy woman you are and jump on him and I bet you won't get turned down :)

    Also, 3 times a week is totally normal lol. Maybe not for you guys, but on average, 3 times a week is doin' pretty good.

    I would approach the subject in a non-threatening setting (so not in the bedroom), and gently say "Love, I'm feeling like our sex life is flagging, and I want to breathe mor elife into it. Is there something that is making you not want sex as often?"

    Voila! Good luck!
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:16 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

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