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Troubled friendship - daughter - age 12

my 12 year old daughter has a friend, Alice, in school as well as in the neighborhood. They've been friends since Kindergarten and are now in 7th grade. They've had a nice friendship until they began to befriend some girls in the neighborhood. The girls in the neighborhood go to different schools. Alice's mom (whom I had befriended) had reservations about the family of the one girl, Emily, and shared her thoughts with me. Well, it turns out that Emily is a very likable girl as is her family. Alice started to become jealous and I could see the same behavior of her very judgemental mother. Alice was beginning to drive a wedge between my daughter and Emily. It got so bad that I no longer speak to Alice's mom and have befriended Em's mom. My daughter now stays away from Emily,I think, to avoid drama at school with most of the girls being friends with Alice. Could this be peer pressure? I don't want to pick her friends!


Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Feb. 3, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (3)
  • Ask your daughter. Get her feelings on why she's choosing on person rather then the other.
    To me it sounds like she is genuinely trying to avoid the drama, as there seems to be an abundance of it. I think it's important for her to maintain the original friendship, as long as it is still genuine and healthy.
    Just talk with your daughter and see where she stands. You know her better then we do, so it's better for you to gauge the situation rather then us. Ask her specifically "Are you not hanging out with Emily because of my choice?" etc.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:22 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • it sounds like it is all drama. and its starting with you. you arent friends with alice's mom because the kids arent friends anymore. thats where these children have learned their behavior. maybe you should continue to be friends with people, even if you make new friends.

    Answer by mrsjosey1018200 at 11:21 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

  • It may be a bit too late for this advice BUT since teens are so full of drama anyway, it may be best not to be too close with the parents of your childs friends. I am friendly with my kids friends parents, but they are not my core social group. It seems to me that when you are too close with the parents of your kids friends it always leads to trouble. Kids communicate so differently than adults- they get mad for a minute and move on- adults hold grudges- we try too hard to make everything better for our kids. My core group of friends and I have things in common that do not include our children- it just seems to work out better that way.

    Answer by soyousay at 11:21 PM on Feb. 3, 2010

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