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How long would you wait?

I'm currently going through a divorce. He cheated...ugh. Anyway, an old friend of mine keeps popping into my I should try to reconnect with him. How long would you wait to try to reconnect? or would you? His parents live in the town I do, but I hardly see them.
I found him on facebook(no I'm not stalking him), but I'm too scared to invite him as a friend(cause right now I only want to be friends). How long should I wait before trying to reconnect with him? And when I do get the courage to friend invite him; should I include a little message? What should it say? Please no bashing. I need some advice. Thanks.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:19 AM on Feb. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • now, message- hi!! how are you?

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:25 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • I would reconnect with me and leave a message that just saids would love to catch up on thngs and take it slow people change and you may changed and he may have changed a little also just take it slow and make it clean with him that you are going though a divorce, be staight up and honest with him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • How long have you been in the divorce process? I think you should allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage. It's also difficult to start dating in the middle of divorce; there's a lot going on for you and would be a lot of baggage for them.

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 12:33 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • OP here:
    to MeandMyBabes: we have been in the divorce process for about a month; but our marriage has been over for like three years. I have grieved the loss of the man I thought I married a long time ago. Thank you for your concern though and what you said is one of the reasons I haven't contacted my friend yet. My parents met when my Dad was going through a divorce. My Mom says wait, but I needed "a second opinion"! Thank you!
    To the others that have responded thanks!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • If I were in your shoes (3yrs into the End) I would do it now. If you only want to start out as friends everything will be fine. Just make sure you give yourself plenty of time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • For me personally, I didn't want to date right away. Our marriage had been over long before I left too, and I was not attached to him in any way. By the time I left, there were no "loving" feelings left or grieving in that manner. I did, however, need some time to be me, concentrate on my children, my life, all of that. It's completely personal, and if you feel like it's the right time, go for it. You can always take it slow if you need to.

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 1:15 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • OP again:
    Thanks MeandMyBabes. It's not that I want to date right now. And he lives like 3 hours away so unless he moves back home or comes home to visit, I'm not bound to see him anytime soon. I totally want to focus on me and my son right now; but when I am ready, I'm scared that he will have someone in his life. I'm scared even now because he might have someone in his life. I haven't talked with him since just after I got married(which was 8 years ago). Thanks for all the comments!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • Was this guy just a friend or a boyfriend/lover? Why would you be nervous if he's a friend? There's no reason you can't send a friend request, and just say something like "Hey, it's been a long time since we've seen each other and I wanted to catch up. How's life? What's going on with you?". I doesn't have to be anything big : )

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 1:25 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • OP here:
    He was just a friend. I'm not sure why I'm nervous. Thanks a bunch!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • You just want to be friends, right? Then I see no problem with contacting him now. As for your nerves...did you have a crush on him? That may be why you're nervous. But all you're looking for is friendship, so contact him and get that friendship going again. If it eventually builds to something more, great, but just let it follow it's own natural course. And as for do that when you're ready. I got divorced, dated one person briefly right after (like weeks after it was final), and then didn't date again for about 2 yrs. Took me 6 yrs to find Mr. Right. And I'm glad that I took my time and waited for him, b/c he's perfect for me. So don't worry...with time, everything will fall into place for you.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:49 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

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