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Do you have someone in your life that is an adult with Asperger's?

I really need some daughter is 22 and is in denial about it.
She is very jealous and has an attitude plus a chip on her shoulder.
There's so much about her that is hard to deal with! I just need to vent plus get ideas on how to handle her.
Please feel free to PM me......I really am at a loss on what to do. I walk on eggshells with her.
She is the oldest. My 18 yr old has gone on to college. My 17 yr old is planning on college and doesn't have her license yet because I don't know how it will impact the oldest.
My youngest is 5 yrs old and her behavior affects him.
I'm at a loss, I need help & support.


Asked by wheresthewayout at 1:00 AM on Feb. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 29 (39,885 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • My child is 16 she has aspergers. She is not learning disabled. She is not in denial, she was diagnosed at age of 14. Her response was relief! Her IQ is very high & she gets good grades in school. She is developmentally disabled, socially the age of an 11 yr old. It is very very difficult. She has 3 older siblings who developed naturally ~ friends, dates, drivers liscence, jobs, HS diplomas, college - one now married. My fear for her is she will never be able to do these things. She wants to, she trys and fails, throws fits and cries. I paid $400 for drivers ed, everday she was in panic mood, she quit after day 3. She is on meds, has a social coach, counselor and phychiatrist. But this is what she is & I am afraid she may get stuck in a social development of 11, or 12 or so on - but just be stuck and not be able to move on. So while I do not have an adult with aspergers, soon I will. I am sorry I have no answers.

    Answer by smokeybear at 3:34 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • Oh momma This is rough, I dont have a adult in my life with ASpergers but I have a 12 y/o who has it.

    Is this something you had diagnosed early on or a more recent discovery? I have always heard that girls with aspergers are tougher to work with becuse their emotions are amped way up.

    What type of things specifically are happening that you need help working through?

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 1:04 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • Accepting the fact that she is not like her peers and she never will be and to accept that then go from there. She does not have the capacity to drive or to go to school.
    She cries when she has to deal with something she doesn't like. EX: last year I gave her the book "3 cups of tea" I heard it was a good book...She cried her eyes out and freaked!! You never know what will set her off..she talks to soft, ask her to speak up she gets defensive...she's just got an attitude and thinks she should be like everyone else and blames me for everything she can't do. She is so timid she asks before doing anything and everything. She doesn't communicate with me, walls are up....there is no talking to her about anything because in her world she is right and everyone else is wrong.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:18 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • She really would be better off in a group home ( adult fostercare) but she is her own gaurdian so I don't know how to go about it.
    That way she doesn't get resentful about her sister's success and in a home she would have goals to work on and people like her,,,at her level

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:21 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • I do, and they are about my age, in their 20's. I have seen parents try to be limiting on what they believe their aspergers children can do, which is likely a lot more than you think. I think maybe she is resenting you for trying to keep her from spreading her wings. Does she want to go to college? Is this even a consideration for you? I think maybe she is not in denial about having aspergers, but that you may possibly be in denial about what her limits are, which really given the right coping skills and accommodations are none. She can do anything your neurotypicals can, she just has to do it a different way.

    -Coming from someone who is neuro-A-typical

    Answer by Gecko85 at 1:29 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • Is she seeing a doctor at all? Therapy can do wonders and also I was just talking with a teacher who also has a teen with Aspergers and we both have our boys on Prozac and agree it has made a HUGE difference.

    FIrst off she needs to find someone who can help her come to terms with not being like everyone else and who can teach her coping skills. Groups homes can be okay places if you can find the right one (have a friend who works in them and have met some of the residents)

    While she may not like her sisters moving on with life you cant hold them back because she might get upset, this is one of those things she needs to learn to deal with, and it isnt fair and could cause resentment on the part of the younger ones.

    If she truly isnt taking care of herself and wont let you guide her, you could talk to your local mental health office and see if they can assign a case worker to push her in the right direction.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 1:32 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • She has been tested to be at the learning level of a 2nd grader.
    We tried drivers ed, the behind the wheel instructer drove for an hour with her and she said my daughter will "never get it" the concept of driving.
    I am not holding her back. she has had a million tests done. Right now she is in therapy and yesterday she was given a test to see where she is at as far as her attitude and emotinal state.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:37 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • My son does everything I was always told he could never do, it took hardwork and my deep belief that he could do those things. he is mainstreamed in school plays team sports mostly soccer, and because we worked hard with therapist he understands his peers and how to interpret their reactions, actions, and general bahavior. We got his sensory issues under control with both therapy and prozac. The meds help relax all those sensory issues that can make it hard to focus and that trigger the odd behavior.

    He is already planning for college and is looking forward to driving in 3 years (he is actually counting down to it lol) Gecko has a possible point here also, is the behavior stemming from what you believe she can or cant do? Not attacking just asking, we are protective of them and sometimes it can get to where we get in the way of progress I know i was guilty of it a few times before i figured it out.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 1:39 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • She has been tested to be at the learning level of a 2nd grader

    Are they sure its Aspergers? Not saying it isnt possible but the Aspies I know are all in advanced learning most test with high IQ's. It would seem to me there is more going on then just Aspergers if she is testing as a 2nd grader.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 1:42 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • A year out of high school she was tested and the phycoligist (spell) said she should have never have graduated high school and is learning at the same rate as a second grader, plus her social skills rated her at the 5th grade level.
    I know she has grown some but my husband points out that since she is so young developmentally she is behaving the way a teenager would.
    something is going on if she has taken tests this week for her emotions and attitude. She doesn't share with me much and doesn't communicate like she should, I mean we will be in the car and she will ask if a certain store is open, I will say yes, and that's the end of it. I had a feeling that she was just expecting me to go there, but she needs to learn to ask.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 2:24 AM on Feb. 4, 2010