Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

So sick of the BF'ing drama! When will she learn her place?!

I have two children with my EXH. When we were together we agreed I would BF our daughter (who was our only one at that time) until either she weaned her self or until he started kindergarten. Well he left shortly after the birth of our second daughter, when our oldest was almost two. EOWend visitations. His STBWife has posted many things on Cafemom and various other sites bashing me, bashing me to my exinlaws (who I did have a good relationship with until last month) all because I BF both of my daughters (33 mo's and 10mo's) My ex had only approached me once and asked when I was going to wean our oldest.


Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:43 AM on Feb. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • I said "we had this conversation years ago, when she wants." He never brought it up again. I got a call from my exmother inlaw last night saying I need help for my addiction to breastfeeding. WTH?! She said that "April" is worried about it hurting my daughters!! WTH?! She likes to play these games, like cutting my daughters hair, sending her home filthy, trying to make her call her mom, basing me in every way she can saying I'm a terrible mom. I've reached my end point with her cutting my daughters hair, it's so bad I cried, she went from beautiful long hair to a short bob. The stylist who fixed her hair was horrified. My exh only has visits with my oldest (he is terrified of babies, yes I know insane but what ever) What can I do about this woman? She is getting on my last nerve! I am not a pervert or "addicted" to breast feeding! What is so wrong about breastfeeding my little ones?!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • change your screen name and don't and post brf posts in answers anonymously or less information with a new screen name. Don't argue with new (?) wife it feeds fury. Or tell 33 month old that part of growing is less nursing only at home sometimes. Last choice say you weaned and continued.

    It's between you and your little one maybe doctors if necessary. If your 33 month old is healthy nursing and doesn't overwhelm the little one's nurse times it's really up to you to continue or not not any one else's business. My family and inlaws were the same way when my toddlers at different ages were still brf. Sometmes it does look unusual to see a longer toddler because of age, growth brf instead of a smaller baby. Maybe that's what bothers the wife and now your ex.

    Answer by lfl at 8:50 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • First of all Hon, this is way too much drama. Do what you want with your kids. But, I do feel it's time to maybe think about weaning... I mean, OMG you must feel so tied down. Wean her and when you are done with the second, it's over. Maybe they feel that you are somehow holding on to this because you don't want the kid to grow up. Plus, it probably does make it hard on your ex's family when the kids are over there. It really is time to wean, I bet they feel you are holding on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • I feel bad for you having to put up with stupid people!!!! You have to keep in mind that no matter you are an amazing woman.!!
    you can tell your ex to go jump off a bridge. I delt with 2 of my ex's women and i told him and them that those are my KIDS and any input they had they could keep to thierself. It came down i held the kids from him. (that's sad) But SHE has noooo right how to tell you what to do or should do when it comes to your children. The truth will come out and everyone will see that she is not a good person and her creditablitly is worthless. hope this helps and makes you feel better

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • That is none of there business. I would say she really crossed the line with cutting your DD hair. That really is not her place. Try to ignore them and do what you feel is best. I mean I assume that they eat a balanced meals and drinking other things. And their teeth are fine, so who cares how long you go. I went 18 months and 20 months with my two, you do what you feel is right.


    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 8:54 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • oh also I'm learning as I'm getting older that alot of my anxiousness as a younger mom, new mom was because I allowed debate between myself and someone of another opinion. Instead of either not discussing it and walking away, hanging up or changing subject.

    I don't think you're a bad mom at all. It's just that more toddlers, preschoolers are weaned at almost three years old.

    If you don't want to wean your older little one yet have you thought about joining La Leche in your area? A lot of moms in it breast feed older toddlers and baby babies too.

    Answer by lfl at 8:55 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • what kinds of things did she say about you- she may be frustrated too. the hair cutting this does sound pretty nuts, but maybe she didn't know any better. The hair will grow back. I'm not saying you shouldn't be upset, I'd be irate. as far as "sending her home filthy" - did you ask her why? has this woman actually called you a terrible mom? Does your daughter want to call her mom? could have been girls idea. Either way, maybe she does care about the kids but isn't sure how to go about it. Perhaps this woman is just inexperienced. I'd see about some family counseling. This woman is part of your kids life and maybe some of the energy you both use being mad at each other could go to trying to create a joint family. have a similar situation-Little girl likes to call bio mom mommy and me mom-totally her idea.Seemed like I couldn't do anything right and years later I still don't know what her mommy wants.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:12 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • Is there any kind of court/custody order in place? You might want to amend it to specify that no changes to appearance may be made without mom AND dad's consent (i.e. hair cutting, ear piercing....). Otherwise, talk to EXH about this, and also document all things such as sending home filthy etc. Don't worry about the BF, that's between child and mom. Your child should be old enough to understand that BF is private now, and just let her know not to discuss with SM or dad unless specifically asked, and nursing is only at home.


    Answer by Krysta622 at 9:45 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • Alternately, I read the last anon post, and it made me think. Can the 3 adults involved sit down with a mediator and maybe resolve some issues?

    Answer by Krysta622 at 9:46 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • Once a child is capable of drinking from a cup, there is no reason to continue BFing. If you want her to continue drinking breast milk then use a pump.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 AM on Feb. 4, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.