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CRISIS...immediate help needed

So my Uncle called my husband's cell phone. Well he didn't disconnect from the voicemail and it appears my grandmother, aunt and uncle had a convo about my husband. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! He filled out an app for a private group thing and I guess he forgot to fill in the beneficiary part. I cold hear them say he probably didn't know what it meant-oh well he didnt need to fill it out he's broke anyway etc....I am so embarassed. My husband heard it and loves my grandmother. He doesn't even want to talk to me right now. WHat do I do??????????????????????????????????

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Feb. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Let him cool off first thing. Then I think the next step would depend upon your relationship with the Uncle, Grandmother, and any others involved on the message left. If your relationship with them is good, I would call them and let them know that they have hurt his feelings deeply and explain why. They are probably completely oblivious to having left all of that conversation on the telephone message and will probably feel badly for it. But, it might not be a bad idea to teach them how to hang up the phone properly when finished leaving a message. Sadly, I have had to go through something similar with my SIL, who has no idea how to hang up a cordless phone and really let some nasty stuff fly out of her mouth before the message machine cut her off. : ) She was more embarrassed than anything once learning about it and apologized. Truth is though, whether these things are said on message or not, they are usually said...

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • ...somewhere behind closed doors. Only difference is that when it is done like this we know about it and when it is done behind closed doors, we may not hear about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 PM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • I am so pissed with them and embarrassed. Yes its true about the conversations that take place behing closed doors. We have had quite a few in our own home but to have it with my unlce who has no job and has had no job for almost a year. that is insane. i dont care if they felt that way and said those things but im sorry he heard it. there is no turning back from that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • I hear you OP. When my SIL did it, the nasty things that she said were about how I didn't take care of my husband and that is why he is so ill....none of which were true. Bless her heart, but she got it with both barrels that day. : ) And I believe that they are wrong (maybe you should tell them so), he does know what a beneficiary is, he probably just was in a hurry for whatever reason and overlooked that portion. It could truly happen to anyone and there was no need for them to take it to that level.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • It also occurred to me that for your uncle's part of the conversation at least, he is pointing the finger toward your husband to run from his own feelings of inadequacy related to his unemployment issues. If need be, I would not hesitate for even a moment to point that out as well. : ) But I may be considered to be no fair when someone hurts those that I care about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • Make sure that you let DH know that you are in his corner when he does calm down though. It will mean a great deal to him and to your relationship.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • He is probably hurt and embarrassed. Let him know you don't feel the way your family does, and they may not really feel that way either, sometimes things are just said and when they find out he heard it they will no doubt be mortified as well (if they have any sense at all that is). Other than that I don't think there is much to do. Your relatives could apologize but if it were me I wouldn't really want to rehash all of the details publically, that would just drag out the embarrassment. Also, remind your DH that you guys say things about your family in private that you would never want them to hear and that you would feel so bad if they did. It doesn't mean you don't love and respect them, unfortunately gossip happens, it just stinks when the person being talked about has to hear it. It's a good lesson if nothing else to watch what you say even when you think no one can hear.

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:23 PM on Feb. 4, 2010

  • thank you ladies for your replies and help in the situation. my husband is being a bit distant tonight but I believe it has hurt and embarrassed him. I say embarassed because we are struggling a little right now because we are working towards getting together all the money for our house we will be settling on in april. it is being built and wont be done until then. I am very protective and my feelings are hurt that they would make him the butt of their jokes and I know it hurt him. He absolutely loves my grandmom as his own and that has def changed things I'm sure. Not to mention I always complain about his family being weird with me and now look. I just know lately he hasnt been feeling that great about himself wih us struggling a little but our struggle is due to the home. Otherwise we would be fine. Oh well. Its a sacrifice but the timing just couldnt be worse but the comments were so unneccessart and he did miss that part.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on Feb. 4, 2010

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