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Libido (TMI)..What should I do?

So, My fiance and I have very different Libidos.
I have a very high one, and him not so much.
Me, I could spend most of the day in bed with him, but for him twice a day works.
He reaches his climax fairly easy, and I do not.
He's unwilling to help or try with me and I've never been able to orgasm but for the time, making love to him is great. Usually when we have intercourse I masturbate to reach my climax, but normally he's so uninterested that I get turned off and just want to be alone.
I am limited to affection when commercial comes on. Making out is boring
We talk about it. He's self conscience about his stamina and wishes he could do more.
This relationship is NOT about sex, I love this man with all my heart, and I can't wait to be his wife. After a while It starts affecting your self confidence, and you start to wonder,"What if I were skinnier, or prettier?" Or, is there someone out there willing to show me affection?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:02 AM on Feb. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I think you should tell him you feel it may be because your not "good enough" and see what he says. Also maybe try a sexy strip tease or when he comes home from work have nothing on but a trench coat and heels. He may be just shy when it comes tosexual things so the more you push the envelope the more comfortable he'll be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:22 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • If you were married to this man, there is lots of advice I could give you. Since you are not married, nothing I could tell you will help. I will tell you only this much. There are many things in this one little short paragraph that you have written that could be corrected. After you are married, ask your question again, and I will be happy to help you fix your problems.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:14 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Anon :14, you need to yank the stick out. Seriously.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Anon :14, yeah, that's smart. Tell a girl who's already having trouble in her relationship to marry him so that they can later become a statistic and then you'll be lecturing her on how she shouldn't have had kids with him. Gosh, you're just brilliant!

    OP, I agree with the first poster who said you should talk to him. Tell him how you feel. You might be surprised to hear what he has to say. It very likely has nothing at all to do with you, and if you tell him what you feel, he might change. Also, twice a day is pretty dang good, so I would maybe think about addressing the other issues, such as affection, and leaving the sex itself alone. If he shows you more affection, everything else may fall into place.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • He needs a sex therapist to discover what is holding him back emotionally. If you don't fix this now the relationship won't last and you will carry this failure forward into new relationships. BTDT.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • He sounds very selfish. Are you sure that you want to spend the next fifty years with this?

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:14 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Did anybody else miss the point that the guy is already doing her two times a day? I mean, that's what I got from it, for him twice a day works. Okay, just how much sex do you need every day? You say your relationship is not about sex, but that's all you want to do all day and twice a day is not enough for you. You need to learn to compromise. HOWEVER, I do see an issue when you say he is uninterested when you are having sex even when you are masturbating during it. I can see how that might be an issue and also agree that you simply need to talk to him about it in a calm and straight forward manner. I don't HAVE to masturbate during sex to reach orgasm, but because hubby likes it so much when I do and it intensifies the orgasm, I do it. So that shouldn't be an issue in your sex life, it should be adding to it. Just talk to him, that's the only way to find out, no matter what advice you get here.

    Answer by TarLion at 4:35 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Seriously TarLion
    You need to quit the bitchiness. He's doing her twice a day for a few minutes, its no wonder why she wants it more than he does. Nobody cares about your sex life, we're talking about her issue. She never said she wants it all day but that she could. You should probably pay more attention if you're going to answer someones question.
    As for the girl.
    Talking to him and making everything clear for him to understand is definitely what should happen. I hope everything works out for you.
    Also, I wish cafe mom would pay more attention to the rude people on here and start reprimending those who are in need of it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Also, I've been reporting the mothers who think theyre so wonderful and strong enough to try and make someone else feel like crap. Good job guys.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • If you want to tell me I'm being bitchy at least do it without posting Anon. I don't think I was being bitchy at all. Go ahead and report away, I try to give good advice in a direct manner. I am an adult and I don't need to be "reprimanded" as a child. I try to look at situations from both sides because there are ALWAYS two sides to every story. So to the OP, I did not mean to be bitchy to you, that was not my intent. I was simply saying perhaps a compromise can be reached. I also stated that no, it's not right that you feel he is not interested in sex with you and of course it can start to wear down your self esteem. So in my comment that the Anon poster felt was bitchy, I also said the only way to figure this out is to sit down and talk with him. Now Anon, what's so bitchy about that?

    Answer by TarLion at 10:51 AM on Feb. 8, 2010

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