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Help! I'm about to pull my hair out!

My toddler will whine and whine and whine if I don't give her what she wants. I try very hard to ignore her and she just keeps pulling on me. If I move her away from me so she won't pull on me she starts banging her head real hard against the wall or furniture to where she hurts herself. After a good while I can't take her whining and crying anymore and I give in. What else can I do to get her to stop this without having to give in? I know I may get some bad criticism for this question...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:48 AM on Feb. 5, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (11)
  • I would recommend NOT giving in! The more you 'reward' that behavior by giving in...the more you will see that behavior to get what she wants. I think it is quite common of toddlers to act that way, it's just a matter of standing your ground and not giving in, or you will have a hard time breaking this habit of hers. Good luck! I know it can be hard, but try to stay consistent...if you tell her no, mean no...and don't give in!
    thea11ens

    Answer by thea11ens at 8:00 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • ditto. it will be hard, you will have your heart breaking, but you cannot give in.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 8:07 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Put her in a safe area where she can't bang into something while having her tantrum, don'teven look at her, never mind saying anything to her, she'll stop when she doesn't get your attention.It should be like nothing even happened, seriously, thats when they start testing.Good luck and remember we are all moms and kids are not perfect and neither are we.They need us to be strong for them to teach them.Hugs, have a good day, Stephy
    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 8:14 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Do Not give in. She is tring you patients and tring to get your attention. I owuld place her in her room till she is done throwing a fit!! DO not give in!!
    IMAMOM2-2KIDS

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 8:18 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Like others said, don't give in. Try distraction... yes, letting her throw her fit is one strategy, but I think parents often ignore the power of distraction in toddlers... pull out a favorite book or get her talking about a fond memory. Ask her to help you with a project or start up a game of hide and seek. Sometimes they do get fixated and won't let things go, in which case you DO have to ignore. But always try to redirect and distract.
    EmilySusan

    Answer by EmilySusan at 8:34 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • ya she does it because you give in and she knows if she does it long enough you will give in. I have a 2 year old and a 4.5 year old I know how hard it is to try to ignore it. I have anger problems so I know how hard it is to try not to listen toi that, but let me tell you what really works is if you cannot stand the whinning try putting her somewhere safe and put on some head phones or something so you don't have to listen to the whinning, just until you both calm down works wonders lol. I know it is hard not to give in, but she will keep doing that behavior until she gets what she wants because she knows you will soon or later give in. Believe me I went through it with my first
    mommy5409

    Answer by mommy5409 at 8:35 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Oh yes, that whining can be hard to take!! I know it is hard to sit there and listen to it, but the more you give in and let her get her way the more she will keep on doing it. You are going to have to be firm and not give in. Next time she starts either walk away or put her in her room, or in a crib, playpen and let her fuss it out. You may want to invest in an mp3, ipod or something to distract you and tune out the whining. One thing I tell my 11 yr old (who still tries to fuss, whine,beg and nag) is "NO means NO! And your nagging and fussing will not work" and I stand firm and do not give in to his drama queening ways.
    Good luck!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 8:54 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Wear ear plugs -I'm telling you next best thing to drinking as a mom!!!! And there is no aftereffect either. With earplugs or a cushioned headset that goes with a cd player, the screams are muffled yet not silent. The headset takes the edge of and allow you to discipline without anger. You'll still be frustrated but the heart stomping heart stopping back bone chilling screams are greatly quieted.

    Your dd is forcing hostage taking on you. And you're the hostage. She's not negotiating calmness for you unless you give in to her demands. Since you always give in she's learned to keep demanding because you've taught her that's how she gets what she demands.

    My 17 year old is right now texting me from school with a demand for after school - what the??? hello it's a school day.

    Kids wlll have temper tantrums even when grown. My three are 25 yo, 22 yo and 17 yo. It's ongoing but not as loud as when little.

    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 9:12 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Check out a book on early childhood from Love & Logic. I have twins (two toddlers at once!), and I'm not sure I would have survived this phase without a plan for dealing with it. We use the same technique wether someone wants to throw a fit, whine and be unpleasant, throw food, hit someone, bite someone, etc., and it significantly reduces the stress in our home. If "A" is whining I will try distraction or redirect, but if that doesn't work really fast, I pick "A" up and say, "Uh Oh, it's so sad you want to whine." I carry her to her room, put her in her crib, and say, "I'll be back when you are ready to be sweet." I stay close enough that I can hear, but not where she can see me, and when she quitens down and stays that way for 1 -2 minutes, I come in and say, "I'm so happy to have my sweet girl back," and I give her a hug and a kiss and we go on about our day. I don't spend anytime trying to explain things to her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Continued: If you toddler is past using a crib, you can put her in her room and do the same thing. Also, I wanted to say I don't redirect or distract very often, and I never do it if it is an ongoing problem or if they do something blatently like hit someone. Some of the important concepts with Love & Logic are - no anger, threats, lectures, or warnings, and let the consequences do the teaching.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

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