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Feeling frustrated/sad for my teen daughter-I'm at a loss!

What do you do with a 14 yo girl who has the body of an older girl (she's beautiful)...and... the mind, emotions, maturity of a younger kid? She does not have any physical or mental disabilities. She is an only child here at home. She goes to a smaller charter schoolwith a total of 60 students between 6-8 grade. She spends her days trying to 'fit' in w/the girls who are 'ready' to move on to highschool...she is not. I am not trying to belittle the other girls when I say most of them have older siblings and have been exposed to more areas, where my daughter has not.

She hangs with the younger girls because is constantly picked on, teased, taunted, threatened, and harrassed by the older girls. The school is taking an active involvment in these issues..but, it doesn't make her feel any less abused everyday. I feel I have spent too much time protecting her from the very things that seem to hold her back. ~CONT~


Asked by Loryl at 10:56 AM on Feb. 5, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 11 (612 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • This is a great time to teach her about girls who are jealous of girls like her. She's a nice girl with physical beauty and developed like an older young woman. Tell her to just be proud of who she is and that these bullies have issues and to not make them her issues. My mom told me to never let bullies know they are getting to you. If they see they can't get a reaction from you they will stop and go target someone else. That worked for me. I was in a middle school that was in the same building as the senior high in an urban school. There were LOTS of bullies. I learned to adapt to them. I didn't snub them, that would have gotten my butt kicked. I smiled but moved on to class. I did my best to stay away from them and hang with nicer folks. Middle school isn't easy. I did my Master's thesis on what it does to adolescents, especially girls. It can change a person, that's for sure. You either grow or it can break you.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:01 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • My heart breaks for her everyday when I have to send her out the door because she wants to stay there. All I can think about is how it will be for her in highschool next year. She is clearly not ready...I fear for her. I know she is strong to stay and take it...but, I guess I'm just not. Any advice, or just to tell me she will be ok will help me today. I am at a loss. Thanks.

    Answer by Loryl at 11:00 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Middle school is such a tough time, and development and maturity differences are magnified at that time. I went through the same thing, and my 13 yo DD is going through it now. She had friends in her grade through 5th grade, and then the girls just kind of passed her by and excluded her. She's in 8th grade now, and will be in high school next year. I don't have any great answers, but try to spend time with your daughter while she is still willing. Things often smooth out some in high school.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Since she has to switch schools next year, is there any way to get her in a school where no one knows her? A private school, parochial school, somewhere she could start fresh? She might just grow up a lot emotionally by then. Good luck to you, and her!

    Answer by mompam at 11:09 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • I am with you, I raised my daughter diffrent then our inviorment, and it is sad. I taught her to be kind, gentle, and don't fight. How ever alot of the girls around here like too. I am seeking to move, it got so bad.

    I pray everyday she is ok, not getting picked on. She won't tell me and when she did, it only got worst for her. I went to the police, I went to the principle, superintended. It is completely driving me nuts. I actually had to catch my self from stepping up to the other girl who pushed my daughter more then once. I had a few minutes to realize, I am not 13 anymore and I am not in the city... I try to keep her away from that. If you figure it out let me know???? I am desperate also.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • No question about it, when your child is hurting, we (moms in particular) do too! I have a 14 year old daughter in the 9th grade; who like yours, is not ready for some of the things kids are already into. For instance, I'm not saying that it's wrong to have a boyfriend, but my daughter is not ready, however, she has her share of friends who happen to be boys!
    My daughter looks her age, and is 9 months younger than a lot of kids in the 9th grade due to her B-day being in June.
    As far as friends go, well, she really doesn't have that many! Most are from band and that's fine with me.
    My son was teased, but my daughter is pretty fierce and can handle the little bitch crowd! I did have to intervene, however with our son, and whenever I ever suspected he was being teased, I nipped it in the bud before it got out of hand. Girls (I find) can be worse! Make sure the teachers/staff are all aware of what's going on. Take care!

    Answer by sharebearmomof2 at 4:11 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • This is why it isnt a good idea to try and protect your children from the world.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • This is why it isnt a good idea to try and protect your children from the world.

    Thanks for the sound and compassionate advice. Have a great day out there in the world! ;)

    Answer by Loryl at 9:26 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • btw, I didn't realize exposing my child to sex, pornography, underage drinking, divorce, teen pregnancy, drugs, cheating, manipulating, lying, blood, violence, etc. etc. was going to help prepare her to exist in the world. Answers like yours make my blood boil....I wonder could it be one of your daughters causing mine so much grief?

    Thanks very much to the rest of the ladies for your replies. I'm a survivor, and so shall she be. ;)

    Answer by Loryl at 9:35 AM on Feb. 6, 2010