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does this look bad for me or him?

ok so i filed for sole custody of my 1 1/2 year old son due to threats of abuse from his father which is now denying but whatever. i told the father he was welcome to come anytime to visit just give me a days heads up and his family could visit on sundays. i used to take ds over there wed, fri, sun for an hour but now that i said this my sons father came once a week for three weeks and now hasnt visited in almost two weeks. im pretty sure he has a lawyer telling him im refusing to let him visit and telling him it looks bad on me but im not denying visits. i

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Feb. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • CONT.- have emails documenting everything including encouraging him to visit more than once a week. i dont trust him alone with ds because he has told me he might hurt him out of anger and he lives with his dad who also has anger issues. ds's great grandparents have also been harassing me for alone time but come on, some one who is recovering from knee surgery can not run after a toddler. any advice? mediation is in march. im not being unreasonable or withholding visitation right? will it look bad for ex in court?

    Answer by Jnc91 at 12:08 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • you are fine! you have proof that you have encouraged (not only allowed but encouraged) his visits and the history of abuse and anger is definately enough to say only supervised visits.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 12:13 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • nope. you're doing EXACTLY the correct thing. had to go through this when I separated from my ex husband- he denied abuse (not just threats) and I had a very hard time documenting it, but in the end had 2 physicians and 23 friends and fam (HIS family) that came forward.
    you are NOT denying visitation, in fact, you have made more than reasonable accommodations. continue documenting EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING even if it does not seem important at the time. you can also legally record any and every conversation, since this is FAMILY LAW, not criminal it is perfectly admissible in all 50 states. he does not even have to know you recorded him. a little digital recorder that can be hidden in a pocket only costs about 30, and you can also use it with your phone... just a hint. it make proving threats A LOT easier.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 12:19 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • keep doing what u are doing and just keep documenting if u do find yourself in court u have proof and he will look like the idiot not u. document over computer make sure things are dated and if u use text mess save all. best of luck

    Answer by tabbys4 at 12:22 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • You are absolutely in the right. Given the history, I'd say you're being as encouraging as you can while still keeping the safety of your son the priority.

    Answer by flitpixie at 12:33 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • is very simple, just write a letter letting him know he and his family can see the child, make sure you write down the dates you are available sign it and send it certified mail...someone has to sign for it and you get your return receipt back with signature. Now you have proof that the letter was received....if he and his family want to be cute and no one signs the letter it will come back to you, but you still have proof that you send it..try to send more than one...also if you have his email, or his family's email the letter as well...DONE! NO PHONE CALLS...

    Answer by BiBi2010 at 1:16 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • As long as you have emails and other documentation that you have offered visitation then it looks bad on him and lying to his lawyer is not a good idea because they both will end up looking bad in court when you show up with documentation and the lawyer will be very upset.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • keep all proof of ANY contact. & also note what the onversation was about too if it is a phone call. You should be totally safe when ti comes time to be present in front of the judge. I am still struggling thru a case that wasn't suppose to be a battle but oh well...

    Answer by DDTSMommy at 2:33 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

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