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normal or out of control?

my dd is 17 months old and recently... ok not recently but ever since she could communicate her feelings, she has been stubborn. NOW i'm not talking, just the tell her "No" 5 times type thing. i'm talking, tell her no 5 times, then time out 5 times, then take away toys, then even having to swat when she is doing something dangerous (like standing on a rocking chair). all of these things we ususally go through in about 30 minutes over the SAME issue whatever it may be. (hitting, biting etc.) but she just seems to NOT GET IT. i dont know, is this normal? or is she exceptionally defiant?

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Asked by tatmum at 10:54 PM on Feb. 5, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (6)
  • She's testing boundaries. Seems like the "terrible twos" started a bit early for you. Just keep what you're doing. She'll learn.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 10:57 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Just keep being consistent with what you are doing. If I were you I probably wouldn't give that many chances anymore If she was standing on the rocking chair, didn't get down when I asked I would put it in another room and that would be the end of it. Same with hitting and biting. She would be told once, happens again then she would go right to timeout or whatever you do. She is definitely testing you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Wow, you have a tough one on your hands. She is definitely testing you. Sometimes kids that head strong just want something that they CAN control. They want to make choices on their own. Are there any small things that you could allow her to have control over? What she wears that day? Maybe a fun treat?

    Sounds like she might be crying out for attention too if it is the same thing over and over again. She knows that doing it will get your attention. Maybe she just wants your attention, and she will go to any lengths to get it.

    Have you tried redirecting HER attention to something else? Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't. It all depends on what the factor is that is causing her to want to keep repeating the offense.

    It could be any number of things.

    Answer by PhoenixFire at 11:08 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • It's the age. :) Read "Raising a spirited child."

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • thanks for the answers... i thought i might just be loosing my mind! i know she wants my attention, but i give her all i have when i am at home! she doesn't go to daycare and spends her says with either her dad or her gramma if her dad is at school. in the evenings its the three of us together, ususally playing and then watching a movie when it's time to go to bed. she just seems to be super defiant... hope i can last!

    Answer by tatmum at 11:16 PM on Feb. 5, 2010

  • Perfectly normal. Absolutely natural for a child to test their limits like that.
    Be more assertive in your tone. Don't raise your voice, just be firm and direct. Give her ONE warning and then the next time she stands on that rocking chair it is an isolated corner of the wall for one minute. (ONe minute for every year they are old) Sit her at that wall and tell her why she is there, then walk away and start the timer. Everytime she gets up you put her back without saying a word. Whether it takes five minutes or five hours DO NOT give in. She is looking for that button that makes you give up. Even if it's the sound of your voice, just don't let her know where your breaking point is. The second she knows how to break you, the minute you're wrapped around her finger.
    Don't give in, stand your ground, and more importantly follow through.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:05 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

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