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Any Advice?

Ok so im trying to figure out how to deal with this. My DH can be really sweet when he wants to be, hes also very sarcastic which i dont mind to much cause i am too. But the other day he bought me a new wedding band for Vday and his Bdays coming up, im a SAHM and feel weird everytime I use his money to get him a gift..but he dosent want me working. I know what i want to get him but i dont have my "own" family wont help either.I feel guilty almost, wearing the ring cause i know he wants something in return, its so deppressing to me and he can tell my mood change but i dont know how to explain it W/O him making me feel worse. Any advice on what to do? to cheer me up? or get him something? Thanks!!


Asked by Anonymous at 2:19 AM on Feb. 6, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Ok, here's the thing. I'm a SAHM as well. When I stopped working and became one, I had a hard time with that, too - like I was taking my dh's money. He made a very good point - we are a TEAM. We BOTH contribute to the good of the team, and we each contribute different things. One of the things he contributes is money. It's NOT "HIS" money - it's OUR money that is brought into OUR family by HIS job.

    Neither of us spend more than a certain amount without talking to the other one. If you want to get him something, there's nothing wrong with you buying it. You should have access to the money, and there's nothing wrong with, say, telling your dh I'm going to pull some money from the account, I want to get you something. Or, even, I'm planning a surprise for you, do me a favor and don't look at the bank until I tell you... (if you do online banking and the purchase could show up on the statement and give it away)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:22 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • If you were to have just never thought of what to get him and instead keep thinking of the day to day, wouldn't it be nice if you bought him something for the 2 of you? Something you both would enjoy, a day out, a ticket to a good show?
    Or for him like in a relationship not practical item (s) Would it benefit both of you if it were for him only. He isn't being asked what he likes or options on it, so surprise him with a small gift, also a large gift, and another one for both to share.
    Men all appreciate goals for gifts, so a place to go in the springtime on a charge card with reservations, ..... Lakeside, a winery visit, a 2 day stay at a bed and breakfast in countryside.......

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • can you sell something of yours to make some money to buy him something? we've sold some of the kid's old baby toys they don't play with to second hand stores {I'm a sahm too} so I don't have money either.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • I used to feel like that too with my x...but he wouldn't buy nice things for when I did it was like some sort of validation for him or something...telling him he was worth it, he deserved it...I understand the guilt you feel, it really IS weird buying someone a gift with their own but whatever you get him, he will appreictae I'm sure, it's the gesture and the thought behind it, not the money that matters.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • oops typo above..I can p p r e c i a t e, SEE?!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Do you have a consignment store like "once upon a child" or " Plato's closet" they pay cash for things you bring don't have to wait for them to sell it like alot of consignment stores.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:50 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • oh, btw - look at it this way - You're a SAHM, so I'm assuming you do most of the cooking and grocery shopping, right?

    Well, if your dh had the thought to do this, and then took the time to, say, make you breakfast in bed, would it be any less special because you were the one to go to the store and buy the ingredients and put them in the pantry?

    Of course not, because it's not "your food" - it's food that you got for the family, and he chose to put it to use in a way that was very sweet and loving towards you, right?

    Well, the same goes with a SAHM using money earned by her husband to buy him a gift. Unless your family is in financial difficulties and you can't afford it, I really doubt he's going to be upset by it :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:26 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Thanks for the help ladies!...Ive tried selling some of my sons old items and such but havent made much off it. Once upon a time hardly offered me half of what everything was worth. Im trying though i just hate being so upset about it.

    Answer by lyz826 at 3:39 AM on Feb. 6, 2010