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Complicated.. need advice!

Okay guys try to keep up with me this is a lil complicated. My bff recently moved in with her almst 1 yr old bc she had split from her bf I have a 2 yr old and a 8 mth old (side note this stay was temp until she found her own place) my 2 yr old loves her v. much and thinks the world of her.. so the problem is at first my 2 yr old was "lovig the babies2 hard" ex: hug them and knock them ovr . nothin malicious as that happened she would yell ( which im ok with) as this was happenin she would be mad and not pay attention to him ( actually ignore him) as this went on his behavior towards her son got worse and i feel to get attention from her. i yelled i punished reasoned everything with my 2 yr old it didnt work.. she confronted me and i said i know ive been tryin what else would u like me to do, she had no answr.. i said that perhaps hes doing it for att. she says she will not be nice to som1 who hurt her child. whos wrong here?

 
zperez0809

Asked by zperez0809 at 8:20 AM on Feb. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,295 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • there is something wrong with her if she is viewing your 2 year NOT as a very young child. she is gonna have a rude awaking as hers gets bigger. often good friends find they are not such good friends if they live together. just not always healthy. I am so sorry she could not treat your child with some respect and courtesy that he is little more than a baby himself.

    so she is gone now? give it a few weeks hon
    let hot emotions burn out
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 8:25 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • Also ( i had no more space) I asked her to leave bc if she was going to be outright rude to my child ( which she was) she couldnt live here anymore and instead of being nice to him she left...
    zperez0809

    Answer by zperez0809 at 8:21 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • thank u! she said that he should " know better" i said know better.. should i stop raising him now? stop teaching him things.. shes gone now and im not so sad bc i dont need ppl around who cannot respect my child ..
    zperez0809

    Answer by zperez0809 at 8:29 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • I don't mean this to be mean, but honestly, you both are wrong. SHE needs to understand that your son is a TODDLER - he is not old enough to understand fully that he's being too rough with the babies. YOU need to understand that even though he's not old enough to understand, it's still too rough. Honestly, I can understand what you're saying about him doing it for attention, but the thing is, when that would happen, then you, as his mom, should intervene and give him the attention that he's needing.

    You both need to closely supervise when he's around the babies, and intervene before it gets to the point of being too rough. That's how he's going to learn, because now, he's just thinking he's in trouble for trying to love the babies...

    You were both wrong, but she also needs to grow up and get a grip, so, imo, I think she was "more wrong", kwim?
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:42 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • btw - please believe me, I DO know how hard it is to always watch a toddler around a baby. My kids are 15 months apart, and my oldest was a VERY active little one. I was always having to intervene to make sure he didn't accidentally hurt his baby sister.

    Oh, and I don't know if you do this, but if he's doing it for attention, something that helped my ds was we got him a baby doll and whenever I changed my dd, he was able to change his baby, feed his baby, sit next to me in the rocker with his baby while I held his sister, etc. That way, he was involved, caring for his baby while we cared for the new baby :-) It worked great :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:45 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • i agree and i did intervene.. all the time.. i explained alot that its ok to play with the babies we cant hurt them and to be gentle and all that.. and i would go ahead and give him the attention but he wanted it from her bc he wouldnt do it to his lil brother only to hers bc he knew she would yell.. but i understand what ure saying but i just wanted to put it out there that i did explain to him several times that it was too rough and i just didnt sit back and look the other way my point with her was that if she didnt just ignore him when he spoke to her that the behavior would stop bc he would be getting positive attention from her on her own not provoked by him
    zperez0809

    Answer by zperez0809 at 8:50 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • She gets angry at a 2 year old? She's taking advantge of your kindness. Ask her nicely to get a new place to live.
    mommorgan

    Answer by mommorgan at 9:06 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • in my opinion you both could have handled things differently. personally speaking, my bf had a son that was a year older than my son and when they would visit, he would try to bully my son, and i told her outright that if she didnt handle him that i would and in MY house that meant a swat on the bottom. She was my best friend so she didnt mind me spanking her child when he wouldnt listen and would proceed to slap my baby lol! also i do not feel that she was wrong for ignoring his behavior, until he learned to play nice he cant get what he wants, so no i dont think she was wrong for that, you clearly wouldnt be comfortable with her punishing your child any other way would you? she should not reward him with hugs and kisses when he is behaving that way. also if he is 2 he is aware of what he is doing. i have a 20 month old and he is very aware. he knows what no and stop means and he knows not to hit his sister!
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 9:23 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • I wouldn't worry about right or wrong, just be glad she left. Honestly, while I can understand not wanting to be nice to someone who hurt your child, he's 2! I won't be nice to someone who is clearly old enough and competent enough to understand hurting someone and is doing it anyway, but that doesn't apply to a 2 yr old. If she can't see that, then just be grateful she left.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:25 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

  • I Just think sailerwife hit it on the nose, can't say more.Mabee in time you girls can resume the friend ship, but living together when there ARE differences such as 3 small babies(2 to me is still a baby) it's going to be a rough ride, been there done that.
    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 9:29 AM on Feb. 6, 2010

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